better world

So I was reading through Leviticus this morning and I know what you are thinking...why Leviticus? But I do have an answer for you. I sometimes roam the Bible for something to read, but now I have started from the beginning so I always have a place to start. Anyway back to my story. I was reading through Leviticus and I came across chapter 18 where it discusses Unlawful Sexual Relations.

God is telling the Israelites to not have sexual relations with their relatives. I was reminded of some of those crazy warning labels on products that make you say... "Really, we have to be warning people of that?" For example my mom bought a curling iron the other day and on the warning label it said do not use while in bed sleeping or something of the sort and my mom thought that was funny. I said that they probably had to put it on their because someone has done it before. It is not on there simply to be funny, but to inform people.

Now to tie it all together. I was thinking that back in Old Testament Bible times, the world must have been way worse back then than it is now. Because God would not warn us against something that did not seem to be an issue. He is going to use his time wisely and tell us of those dangers that are around us. This makes me think that it was the norm for people to have sexual relations with their relatives. Which then makes me believe that since that is not the norm today that the world was a little worse back then, not saying that we have 'arrived' or anything, but that that part is not as much of an issue as it was back then. I feel as though back then people did as they pleased, or what pleased them. I also find that this whole chapter is geared toward men. It has been said that they are the more sexual beings. I like how this chapter is wrapped up. God makes a statement that the land has been defiled by the people who did these things before the Israelites got there. If they cannot live their without defiling the land then the land will vomit then out as it did the nations before them. The land, God's land, will actually purge itself of the sinfulness. Interesting thought.

We still have many an issue and I am glad that sexual relations with our relatives is not on the forefront of them.

Just a little tidbit from my brain this morning.

Next stage...Life.

So I got the second job. I am officially an employee at Family Video. It was a whirlwind of an interviewing process, but I passed with what I would say was flying colors.

I realize that my life will not be as free as before. I will not have as much free time, but I will have a little more money.

Another thing that I figured out is I could have bought a house in my town, a nice one. For how much student loan debt I have acquired. A little sad, yes, devastating, no. I have a good peace about this debt that I have. I know that it will be paid off in as little time as I can allow for. I am hoping to have my student loans all paid off in less than 10 years. Do not quote me on that, well I did just put it in writing, but lets just say it is a goal, not a promise.

Now that I have a second income I will be able to at least have a little of spending money and extra money to pay off loans. I am feeling good about where I am heading into this next stage of my life...Let's call it repayment time or maybe reality, or adulthood, or making a lot of money that I will never actually be able to see. A little bitter, maybe.

Until then!

Second Job

So I am really entering the adult world. I am realizing that I will need more money and have now started looking for another job. I know big step. I was thinking that my student loans are going to be starting to roll in, or maybe shoot in like a bullet, and I want to not be wondering if I am going to be making ends meet. It will still be tight, but I do not need to have a crazy amount of money.

So knowing this, I began to search for a part-time job. I was hoping to find something that was a bit more self directed, such as personal shopping or personal styling. But I feel as though living in my small little town the need is not too great. Thus I am looking into a few different places.

I applied at CVS pharmacy, but did not get a call back. I also applied at Family Video, which surprisingly I have made it through 2 out of the three stages of interviewing so far. I met with the store manager, and had to take a test. I know what you are thinking "a test for a video store," but yes I had to take a test. It was actually quite difficult. There were 8 different sections, two were math and I did not even finish them in the time allotted. I had to alphabetize, find synonyms, reading comprehension. It was crazy. I thought I was in school again. I was so nervous I was shaking!!

But I passed. I did not think that I did.

So tomorrow I meet with the district manager. And after that I will find out if I have another job. Which will make me rest easy a bit more.

Kids are funny-I asked a girl where she has been (because she had been gone) another little boy said "At the junkyard." I laughed so hard. He was not being mean, I think he just said the first thing that came to mind! It was funny

dual-personality

I am becoming a grown-up. The signs are all there. I can tell that I am turning the corner.

I am not going out all that much, actually I only really go out on the weekends, because I am tired after work and I have TV to watch. I really do not feel like it. I find that I enjoy being at home, doing things on my own. So that when I do go out it is special, or maybe that is just what I tell myself so that I don't feel as though I am 24 going on 50.

I am becoming quite frugal with my money. I go out shopping a lot, but do not buy anything unless it is cheap, and I really like it. I really like fashion, but most things that are cheap are not worth having.

Sometimes I feel as though I should be a little more spontaneous and free flowey, seeing as though I am only 24, but I live in a town of 26,000. I mean there isn't really anything to do here. So maybe that is the reason that I do not go out.

I am quite pleased with my very low-maintenance, easy-going, carefree (sort of) life. But sometimes I feel as though I should be doing something more, that I should be out there living life on the wild side. I at times feel as though I have the fashionista, jet-setter, mindset or personality, but live in a small town with zero prospects! Funny how that works.

The kindies are for sure keeping me busy. Sometimes they are so funny. Cannot think of tidbits right now. but there will be some coming soon.

Loans!

So I have been living at home for almost five months. I will begin paying off my student loans in 2 months or so. I have acquired all of the paperwork for them and am quite shocked at how okay I am with it. Last summer I would worry, I mean it would keep me up at night, thinking about how in the world I was going to pay it back. I was very happy to see that my loan that has the most money on it has the least amount of interest.

I also am going to hopefully have a second job, I have an interview on Thursday. fingers crossed.

Worry is not something that I seem to be doing much of anymore. I am quite pleased. I have always been a very big worrier, so it is nice to have a break.

By the way that co-worker who was very rude to me did apologize the next day, which was very nice.

Coworkers!

So I always new that working with kids meant working with parents as well. Sometimes working with parents can be the hardship, not so much the kids. But I guess I never knew that your coworkers could be the issue. I was pretty much scolded the other day for simply doing as I was told. In some ways it reminded me that I was only 24 and the new kid on the block. Sometimes it is not a plus to be young working with people that are much older than me. I find that I can at times be treated like a child.

I did receive an apology the next day for how I was talked to, and I do believe that it was sincere, but it took me aback that I was talked to like that at all. I wonder if it will happen again.

One main reason that spurred the confrontation was this child in my class. This girl is crazy. Her mood can change within a second. If she does not want to do something then she is not going to do it. It is as simple as that. The more you ask her, the harder it is and the more she shuts down. It is a constant battle. This last week she turned a corner into even more fierce behavior, where she was actual physical with students and with the teacher (which was the reason for the talk down to from my coworker). There really isn't a build up or a regression, she just shoots up and then sometimes within seconds she is fine again. It is crazy.

I was very much ready for the weekend and do not want to go back on Monday!!!

Such is life.

I should know by now that working with kids will always keep me laughing. They say the funniest things.

One of the 3 year olds that I work with in the afternoon said that her sister was going to get my eye out, then take my hand off, and my arms all because her sister is a stinky butt.

I was told I should dye my hair pink and then was proposed to by one of my five year olds.

Very interesting day.

We practiced for Grandparent's Day again, no vomit this time. success.

The kindies are learning the letter Uu, it seems that it is very difficult for them to distinguish the difference between the vowels. We sing lots of songs to try and get it into their minds. But we shall see if it pays off.

We do word families, tin, sin, bin, in, etc. And sight words such as here, the, a,. To teach them the word 'the' we always say in class "T-H-E spells the." One boy was in with a tutor today and when reading a sentence he had to ways say this when reading 'the.' for example T-H-E spells the hen is in T-H-E spells the pen.

Thought that was funny and goes to show that repetition can work, maybe not exactly as we would like it to.

I was told on Saturday that great people have great thoughts.

something to think about.

Money!!!

So as a college graduate I do not have a lot of money. I have been doing pretty good over the summer, but with student loans on the horizon I am starting to realize that the party is over.

I have to actually become an adult. Reality is around the corner and I need to actually budget. Well what I really need to do it find another job. I will not be able to live with the income that I am bringing in when my student loan bills start coming in.

Money can feel like a necessary evil. It is impossible to live a life in society without some form of income, but there are so many different ways you can go about that. Money can become everything, which I do not want. But I do want it to be a result of something that I really enjoy doing. Working with kids is something that I love, and I am not sure what to do for a part-time job. I could waitress, I could put in applications everywhere, but I feel as though some of the best results have happened because I have waited. I have not just jumped, but I have thought, contemplated and waited for the best move. Maybe not always the most financially rewarding, but rewarding in a way that is so much more transcendent.

I have been thinking about different ways that I can make extra money on my terms, using some of my gifts or interests in such a way that I can create a little income. One thing that I have thought about is being a personal shopper. Maybe go into a few different retirement homes and ask if at any time anyone would need a new outfit for some sort of special occasion.

I guess in some ways I don't want to be conventional, but I also wonder if I can afford to develop this, or if I need to just find something quick and painless.

As a recent university graduate, I am not sure if I can be picky with my jobs, but I also sometimes feel as though I have paid my dues with cleaning toilets, literally many toilets, and I guess I want to do something that I enjoy.

Maybe I have pride, maybe I just want to use my interests to make money.

We shall find out what is in store next!

Until then...

Finished Product

Here is my finished scarf!

It may look a bit weird, but with a nice pea-coat it is really cute!!! I am excited to wear it when it gets really cold outside!

A Door Fetish

While I was exploring I found some awesome doors, not sure what it is but I really like doors.

Exploring

So I had an idea to walk around my downtown on a Sunday afternoon. Then I ended up at a new cafe which I loved.

I started snapping pictures and this is what I came up with!!

so far...

So it has been a few weeks since I started with these kindergartners and I have realized, well I knew this before but it has been reinforced, that kids especially young kids are very blunt.

You know if they either like what you are wearing or if you made a huge mistake with that skirt/blouse combo. They will make very clear if your new haircut is fabulous or not. Or if you just decide to style your hair a little bit different, say curly, that day, they will let you know very quickly if it makes the cut. I wore my hair curly a few days ago, and the moment I sat down at the desk, I hear your hair is crazy. And then I say, was that very nice and they say no. I then said, to this little boy, what if I told you your hair was crazy. And the boy proceeds to say my hair is short it doesn't get crazy. Touche.

Well I also find it very funny when these children say things that are very grown up. For example this one kid who is sometimes quite difficult makes the comment my eye really hurts and I am beginning to feel like no one cares. It was hilarious and quite matter-a-fact.

I am for sure sick of saying stop hitting, kicking, biting and please stand in line quietly, stop touching each other hands to yourself.

Until then!

A job.

So I have a job. It was definitely coming down to the wire. I am not sure if this was the plan all along or if God was thinking well I better give her something to do. But I am a...drum roll please....a Kindergarten aide. lol It is pretty much full time and I am making just as much as I would be if I was substitute teaching. So all in all not a bad gig.

These kids are great though. I mean they are difficult. There are 16 boys and 4 girls and the boys have a lot of energy. Two of the boys are 4 which means they have a shorter attention span and are a little more immature, which seems weird to say when I am referring to 5 year olds.

They are also very funny. They say some of the funniest things. For example one of my kids talking about a cocoon and saying raccoon, seriously thinking that it was raccoon.

Then one kid was talking about how he had a canker sore on his tongue and all the kids were wondering what he was saying. tingle toes on your tongue. tangled on your tongue. Then one kids finally goes oh cankasaur. He totally thought he got it.

They keep life interesting yes they do!!

irony

So I am almost done with my summer job and I have nothing really lined up yet for after this ends. I am trying to not freak out, but sometimes I realize that I need to be a grown up now, where I pay for my own car insurance, cell phone bill, chiropractor appointment and so on. I am still living a very charmed life. I will be having a rude awakening when I decide to finally cut the umbilical cord, so to speak.

I began reading One Day by David Nicholls and the book picks up when these two main characters graduate from university. Then for years to come they are either gallivanting around the world or working dead end jobs at Loco Caliente, a Mexican restaurant in England (irony). How they both were settling and not living up to their potential. It really made me think about my life and where I want to be in a few years. The sad thing was that I thought I could see myself forgetting about my dreams and settling into anything, that pays. Well I am definitely lining myself up for that outcome. I am so not proactive and I just wait around for things to happen. Life will continue to pass me by if I let it. People who are living their dreams rarely wait for it, they go out and seize it.

Well here is to seizing it, at home, because I am not going anywhere soon...

Hobbies

Also a few things that I have picked up to pass the time, that I am spending alone, ha.

I have learned to knit. I just started yesterday. I am knitting a thick beige circle scarf. I will post pics when I am finished.

I have also bought canvas to continue painting what inspires me. We shall see what comes of that.

I have also desired to start sewing again. I would like to make my own clothes. I have not sewn since my first year of university, but hopefully it will be enjoyable. I have an apron that I am going to begin with. Maybe you will see me on Project Runway some day. Or maybe just Etsy.

I have been someone in the past that will simply give up, or convince myself that I do not like to do it anymore, when the task became a little difficult. That is what I did with Soccer, Softball, Yearbook (in university), the drums, the guitar, the piano. I seem to be a seasonal hobby enthusiast. I only try it for a season.

Hopefully these hobbies stick and I simply try to be myself. Paint what I want to paint, knit what I like to knit, design something that I love. Not to impress anyone else, simply myself.

I want to stay true to myself.

New Social Circle

Sometimes I have this feeling as though I am still in high school, desiring for people to like me and call me and ask me to hang out. I often wonder if I am the only person who thinks that I am easily forgettable. I may be in one of my moods where I am quite melancholy and reminiscent of the past. But I feel as though since I move around a lot, I have a hard time keeping good friendships. And I know that that is partially my fault, but I cannot help but wonder if I have spread myself too thin. I have too many friend groups in too many different locations and I cannot keep up with all of them. And then I get frustrated when I am not thought of or invited out.

I have my high school friends, which are amazing and right now they are the ones that I have close. Then there are my Ecuador friends, who are spread out all of the United States and the ones that I was close with do not even live in the land locked 48. Then there is my Trinity Western friends who all reside on the west coast. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I only had one group of friends. I do realize that my life would not be as bountiful. But I also would not know any better. It is also hard to not have a go to friend that is close. My go to friend moved 16 hours away.

I guess this is the time in my life when I need to do the reaching out. For the majority of my life the social interactions were constructed for me. In high school there was youth group or other groups to join where you met people with similar interests. But you already had the classes and what not where you sat by the same people everyday. You were bound to meet people. Then there was Ecuador where they had a whole week of "get to know you" activities. In university community was stressed to a degree that almost forced you to get to know others. There was ample amounts of socials that created these interactions. And you truly desired to have that. University is simply high school with out the parents. Everyone still wants to fit in and does not want to do anything that will ostracize them too much.

Now I have to create my own social interactions. And I feel as though I was not warned of this. If I lived back at school I would not have to create anything. I would already have a group of friends. And here I do as well, but some of these people I have not had a meaningful conversation with since high school. I am not that person anymore and I am not sure if I know how to interact with them. I guess this is just one more sign that I am a grown up. I have to recreate my friend circle in a sense. I have to learn how to create healthy social interactions. I will let you know how that goes.

Until then.

Children.

So I work with children. Everyday it is different and I love that. I have been working with two year olds all week and they are hilarious. I am all out laughing so much.

This one boy was taking forever to wake up from his nap and so I took him off his cot and set him on the floor. He is just sitting there with his head down. Then I chuck his shoes at him for him to put them on and he goes to the bath room and goes back to sit down. The next thing I know he says to another boy that is putting his shoes on, " You're putting your shoes on the wrong feet, boy." As if he is a hill-billy/ghetto fab little boy. It was not the tone or sentence I would have seen coming from a 2 year old. I was laughing so hard.

One thing that happens when working with kids is trying to get them to eat different foods that they might never normally try. I am not talking about eating some crazy foods, just for example Shepherds Pie, beef and corn and mashed potatoes. My fellow teacher puts a bite on the spoon of a few of the kids because she wants them to try it. One girl, who always has a stank face, tries it and looks like she is seriously about to spit it out. She looks like she is about to vomit. It was so funny, I practically crying from her funny facial expressions. She is also known as their little china girl because they cannot understand what she says a lot of the time. Sometimes I swear she is speaking a different language. the other day I had to get within inches of her mouth so I could even hear what she was saying. I could have swore she was telling me to shut up, but then I realized she just wanted up, on my lap.

Kids for sure make life interesting and funny.

JOB!

So if I complained before about people asking what I was doing in the fall, I am now complaining again and had no idea that it would get worse!

I have been asked a lot at work what I have planned for after the summer and the truth is...nothing as of right now. I have figured out over the past few months that it is really hard for me to prepare for the future when I am doing things right now. I have a job and if I want to continue to be present it is hard for me to look at the future. So I am just now getting ready to apply for teaching positions, I know terrible procrastination.

I am hoping to become a substitute teacher in my district and in a few surrounding districts, but it is quite the process. And a lot of money that I am not sure if I have right now. We shall see.

I have also come the realization that something will work out. I mean I know that I need to put my name out there a bit, but it is hard for me to have motivation. We shall see, but I have a peace that everything will work out. Maybe I am being naive!

Soundtrack for your Life

Music,

It is poetry put a rhythm, with a bit and accompaniment. It is the feeling trying to form itself into words, to convey it to someone else. It is not always perfect, but it can move someone to feel something that they may never have experienced before. Music can also allow you to know that someone else feels the same way you do. That you are not alone this crazy thing called life, that even though it may feel as though you are completely alone, someone has put your emotions to song which can only mean that they have felt that way before. I have never been very talented in this area, and give mad props to those that do it so well.

I have always been drawn to sad songs and I think I have always liked them because there is such true emotion there, that you cannot help but feel it too. I also find that words are so much more poetic (I know this is not true, but I have a bias).

Some of the music that has allowed me to not feel completely alone in some of my insecurities or lonesomeness is the Mumford and Sons. I knew of them before, but was not able to buy the album until now. I have went on walks the past 2 days to think and listen to this album. It has brought me to tears, and also has dried them. Sometimes in the same song. That is one thing that is beautiful with this album, it can create this intense emotion, but then can give you a great hope.

I have also bought recently Home by Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros. It is so hippie and I love the country flair that it brings. It is beautiful.

I have also found someone knew in the last few weeks that I did not know before. Rosie Thomas. She is mellow and raw in her deliverance of poetic lyrics and interesting melodies.

Thank you music for not only putting words to my emotions, but also allowing me to not feel alone in my melancholy state.

New Blog

Hey all so as I have mentioned I enjoy critiquing movies. So I created another blog in which I can organize my movie critiques.

The Website is http://uneducatedmoviecritic.blogspot.com/

I hope you enjoy it.

MEXICO! WEDDING!

Just got back from my brother's wedding in Mexico. I have been looking forward to this for almost a year. It was beautiful, the ocean was amazing, I have always been fond of the ocean. It is quite tranquil, it is almost like no matter what is going on it doesn't matter when I am standing in front of the repetitious ebb and flow of water that never ends. It has the calming effect and at the same time it scares me. I cannot comprehend it, I cannot see the end of it, what is underneath it is unknown to me.

It brings life into perspective, reminds me that I am small and quite insignificant, but I am also quite powerful.

I love weddings, when the bride walks down the isle I take a quick glance at the bride and then switch my gaze to the groom and watch his reaction. I end up looking back and forth between the bride and the groom. I find that grooms change when their bride is walking toward them. Their whole demeanor changes. They become soft and gentle and the love that is in their eyes is one that I cannot match or put words too. But I will try. It is like you are coming face to face with everything that you long for. It is all right in front of you and it will be yours, all yours, forever.

Weddings are beautiful to me, they are full of bliss, love, encouragement, laughter, memories. I have been to two weddings in the last week and one of them I was in which was hard to watch the groom, but my brother is smitten. He starts tearing up at just the mention of the love that they share. I adore their relationship. I long for something of that caliber when I get married. Even to just feel that for a moment would be worth it.

I was watching on Grey's Anatomy and the writers for the show always have great monologues. This one really struck me.

Meredith: There is a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasnt because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever . .

Read more: http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/greys-anatomy/#ixzz1QFEM4Ruw

I am not in a relationship, I am in some ways alone. and I do feel this way a lot of the time. that I do not know if I could be vulnerable enough to let someone in the way what I would need to for a healthy relationship. I have been on my own for so long that I wonder if I can do this with someone else so close all the time. And what if it did fall apart? Would I be able to handle it. But then again I do not want to leave in fear. Not doing certain things because of what might happen, if I did that I should just sit at home all of the time and not do anything.

Love is everything, not the cliched love, but the all consuming, putting others first, not selfish, Action not only emotion. It is what makes our world go round and what allows poets to write and artists to create, it is what passion comes out of and our souls yearn for. Love is all around us.

Returning home after university.

So I have a couple additions to my summer to-do list:

-go to a Broadway play or a play in general.

-do something that allows me to be more cultured

-See a Ballet

So I have hung out with a few different groups of friends since I have been home. It is odd because most of us do not have our own places so we are living at home and when we hang out if we do not go out, we hang out at someone's house. It is just like high school. Another realization that I have had being home is that since I went far away to school I have no cross over friends. I have my Freeport friends, and my University friends and to be really picky I also have my group from Ecuador. While I was hanging out with these two groups of friends, also no crossovers within these two groups either, I did enjoy it, but I could not help feeling as though it was just like high school. I have grown so much over the past 6 years, as I have mentioned, and there is no one at home that took those strides with me. So the friends from home are not going to push me to be that person I have become because really they do not exactly know who I am.

It is not their fault, because I am terrible at keeping in touch and when so much time passes by I cannot relate to them the daily or even weekly milestones that have been conquered. They only get the jist, or the ending result. They still might see me as the Erica from high school. And that is not who I am.

I want to be challenged and I want to be pushed to reach the potential that I am suppose to reach. I do not want to digress, my blog is not called digress it is called egress, I am not going back by I am exiting into something new, not old.

Just some thoughts about returning home. I have others, they will come soon!

Summertime

So I have been home now for almost a month. I have not crossed much off of my to-do list.

This is the list (it will become longer)

-camping

-games, baseball, and soccer

-something completely spontaneous

-go to Chicago more

-go shop in Galena and Paoli

-have a night where I am completely unhindered

-go to a movie by myself

-go golfing more

to name a few

I have been spending time pondering. This can be a good thing, but has the potential to be quite negative. I am a college graduate, deciding to live at home, making little more than minimum wage, trying to stay true to myself in most ways, but also feeling this need to push the boundaries of me or to be more like ____________. I thought that this stage in my life was over, and I wonder if coming home rekindles its flame. I love being close to home do not get me wrong, and by close I am smack dab on the spot, but I wonder if those parts of me that I left behind when I left did not really go anywhere, but stayed here and waited for me to come back.

Since I left I have become quite fond of who I am. I have come to grips with many of the insecurities that I have and the different tendencies that I grew up with. These are no longer flaws but the imperfections of a masterpiece that prove it to be one of a kind. I do not want my returning home to hinder that mind frame, or maybe the testing will just make it stronger.

We will wait and see.

Saw Bridesmaids last night. I give it a 8/10. very funny. the vomiting scene, priceless. anyone would have lashed out at the end.

Home at Last-

Well I have made it home. It took three and a half days. We went through Yellowstone National Park, Mount Rushmore, and even stopped at Wall Drug. My friend I drove with got pulled over about an hour and half from home, opps. He got a speeding ticket.

It feels odd to be home and know that this is where I could be for a while, unless something else changes. I went to the dentist today, it has been a year and a half since I was last there and my dental hygienist was asking me a lot of questions about loans and financial aid. I realized that I am getting older. I know this is not something revolutionary to realize, but throughout this last year while I was teaching I felt as though I was not old enough to be doing this. I kept thinking , I am months away from being a certified teacher and I do not feel as though I am old enough to be responsible for children. Let me try and explain it a bit better. I know that I am now 24 years old and have 2 degrees, but I still feel as though I am a child, with a bit more life experience and debt.

I am not sure if this is something that most college grads go through, maybe if I was married or getting married and starting a family I might feel as though I am the right age, but I am a college grad that has chosen to move home to save money and rest a bit, I have a lot of debt, but I am not factoring anyone in. I am still quite selfish in my decision making, because I can be. That is maybe why I still feel like a child, because yes, I can make wiser decisions, but they still only revolve around me. (yes they affect others, but no one is having to make these decisions with me).

I have a steady job for the summer working at a daycare/school that is attached to a church. It is a great place to work. It is quite small and I have worked there for a few years now and I know everyone and feel comfortable. I went in yesterday to say hello and find out anything that I need to do before I start next week and was informed that I could possibly have a full time job in the fall. The only catch is that I am not teaching grade school kids, I would be teaching 2 year olds. That is right 2 year olds. It really isn't teaching it is more like babysitting, but I guess I cannot be picky, I would still be working with kids. But is any experience really good experience? We will have to see.

until then...

Worry/the future

I was contacted a couple of days ago by a friend that I have known for a few years now. He read my blog and emailed me a question that I have been thinking about for a while now. He related to the idea of risks that I had talked about in my blog and asked if I was really taking a risk next year (well a little more tactfully then that). It was nice to have someone pretty much call me out on it. I had to think about it.

Before when I was deciding on staying home, it had a little bit to do with running from risk. But now I can say that this next year is about me being prepared for the next risk that life has for me. I have been taking risks for the past 6 years and am ready to be in a place where I can safely take risks (kind of an oxymoron). I can focus on some of the avenues that I think God has been preparing me for. I use to wonder why I had the childhood I had, but now I know it is to talk with other girls with similar backgrounds. That is what I hope to do this summer and next year. oh yeah and I plan to teach.

I have been reminded lately of how much money and worry can control you. If I have something on my mind I cannot get to sleep, I can lose my appetite, and actually start to feel sick, all because I am concerned about something that I have no control over. It is really crazy how our lives can be altered so much because of how much we fear the unknown. Worry will control you because you feel as though you are not in control. (which really we are not in control ever). My mother told me the other day when I was allowing worry to take over, "that money is just money. Everything will work out and at the end of the day, money is just money." It was nice to have that reminder. She always knows how to defuse me and always has exactly the right words. I do not know how she does it, but she has talked me down from many an uprising. I love her so, and this is quite appropriate, seeing as it was mother's day yesterday. I have truly been blessed.

the last few days

So I have started my 2 week course on teaching social studies. It is for 3 1/2 hours 4 nights a week. It hasn't actually been that bad. Time does seem to fly.

I found a few new blogs that I quite enjoy about teaching.

http://twowritingteachers.wordpress.com/quotations/

http://blog.mrmeyer.com/

So I had to find a quite a few weeks ago that I wanted to use during my education graduation ceremony. Let me tell you it took a long time to find one, and I just needed to finally pick one. It was quite anticlimactic at the ceremony, people were walking in front of it and you couldn't even read it but the quote I chose was a quote from Mark Twain. I found that I loved his quotes.

“20 years from now you will be disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the one’s you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover” ~ Mark Twain.

I found this to be quite true and I hoped when I chose this quote that my life would be marked by catching the wind in my sails and not always playing it safe.

here are some other Mark Twain quotes.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

All right, then, I'll go to hell.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Read more:http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/mark_twain.html#ixzz1LRzsFAR4

Graduation

So graduation has come and gone. It was quite bittersweet, because yes I am done (but I still have 2 weeks of classes) and also in two weeks I will be leaving somewhere that I am not sure I will be coming back to. I have lived here for 5 years of my life and I found myself thinking yesterday, that I did not want to leave. It is gorgeous out here and I am not simply meaning the landscape because it is pretty but it pales in comparison to the people that I have had the privelege of knowing here.

There are some friends that I have known for years. My roommate from my first and second year and I live with her now as well. I know that we will continue to be friends even if we do not talk a lot. We have this way of making up for lost time very quickly. But there are friends that I have just become close with this year and I am very sad to have to cut these friendships short. I know I do not actually have to do that, but I am terrible at keeping in touch. I know some of my roommates have created a blog to keep in contact with eachother. Maybe I will do the same.

Life

it never stops...just when you want to cherish the moment it reminds you that it is never through. Endings are inevitable, beginnings are just around the corner. and I cannot do a thing about it. Sometimes I want to stop it all, crawl into a comfortable postion and let life happen. But I cannot, Life also reminds you to keep living it.

I will miss this place, I have 2 weeks left to enjoy it, take it all in and before you or I know it. This stage of my life will be over and the next one is quite foggy at best.

Faith

Its what I need for the next journey, because it is what got me through this one.

Until then...

Hello-Goodbye!

I am done with my electronic portfolio. I never thought that I would finish that thing. I feel quite exhilarated. It is so nice to be done.

Which brings me to the hard part of this year. I am terrible at goodbyes. It started when I had to leave home after high school. I was going to Ecuador to attend Bible school. It was hard for me to leave. But when I left Ecuador it was even harder, because I knew that we all would never be there again. It would never be the same. it actually brings me to tears thinking about it now. I lived with these people for 8-9 months, we couldn't go home like people can at university. It broke my heart that I would not be close with these people. This separation almost feels as though you have to leave apart of yourself there. You have to strip apart of yourself off and lay it down because if you carry it with you and hold it close you can never be present.

I am still friends with people from Ecuador, but I find that when we get together we are still as close as ever.

Movie critiques to come-

The Lincoln Lawyer

Summer in Genoa

Waiting for Superman!

Oh the to-do list!

Well I did finish all that I wanted to finish yesterday, well actually I just finished them about 2 minutes ago. So I really did not finish all of the numbers on my todo list yesterday. This weekend is a packed weekend.

Today I am going for a walk with a friend, then going into Vancouver with a couple other friends.

It should be fun, I hope we do not spend a lot of money, because I do not really have much to be spending. That is the life of a college student, even a college grad. I am bombarded with opportunities to spend money and it is hard for me to turn them down all of the time. Usually those opportunities have to do with food, which is terrible because that is only satisfying for that moment. But I do love food. When I had a cold almost a month ago, I could not taste anything for over a week and that was a depressing week, also because I was really really sick.

Applications-what am I going to do?

So I have no idea what I am going to be next year. I just went to an information meeting about applying to the Abbotsford School District and I do not know what I am doing. I am so lazy. I have not really sent in one application yet. It is really hard for me to apply for certain things, because I have so much to do right now. I need to buckle down and do it.

I am slightly overwhelmed, so many things that I need to do. When this happens I can get quite complacent and just not do any of it. I need to make a list today, I will write it on here and check my status later.

1. send reference letters to character reference for BCCT

2. print out application to Calgary School District

3. fill out application

4. print out application to Langley School District

5. Fill out application

6. complete e-portfolio

7. go into my school

8. finish marking

9. have grads finalized

10. get my hair done

See how that can be overwhelming to even start. Some things may seem easy but there is always a second step to them.

I need to get 1,2,4,7,8,9,10 done today. It would be nice to get it all done today. but I am not superman!

well until then...

Reflection/ Mona Lisa

So today is my first day being done with student teaching. I have the whole week off and I am already missing my class. I am also slightly bored. This past semester has been amazing. I could not have asked for a better SA. I switched schools and SAs from last semester.

She has taught me so much about teaching. If you talk to students kindly and trust them they want to meet your expectations, but when you are always down on them they begin to feel as though they could never do anything right.

Above are a few pictures of projects that I did with my kids over the past semester.This first one is a Mona Lisa Collage. I had a picture of the Mona Lisa already cut up into 25 pieces and then I talked to them about Leonardo Da Vinci and the Mona Lisa, its history. Then students received a piece of paper and a picture. I let them swap if they wanted to. Then they duplicated that picture onto their bigger page. It turned out amazing. I also made sure to give the hands and face to people in my class that were more artistically inclined. Whenever someone walked into my classroom they always commented on it.