Seven weeks in- The Haiti adventure

So I am seven weeks in. Crazy how time is going by pretty quickly but also at a pace that I can manage. The last 3 weeks have flown by though and I can only imagine that these next three weeks, my last three weeks here, are going to go by too quickly. I am going to begin having some of my lasts coming up soon. I am not quite ready for that.

I do check ins with the staff of Next Step almost weekly and of course, and rightfully so, I get the question of how am I doing spiritually. For the first few weeks of summer I was doing well in this department. I was taking my time with Him, putting in the effort that is needed, but I can always be putting in more. But these last few weeks, it has started to slide a bit. I know some of that is because of my own prioritizing of things. But some of it is also because no one is pushing me here. No one is challenging me. Who you surround yourself with truly does matter. And I have found that I need to be around people that are striving hard for a life that more closely resembles Jesus every single day. Not just people who need Him when they need Him and otherwise they do not necessarily care if their lives match up to what He has called us too.

All too often we get into these places in life, I am currently in one, where our love of God, or our relationship with Him does not seem to have a huge impact on our daily lives. I hate this. I do not want to have a faith that does not change every aspect of my life. If this knowledge and wisdom of who Jesus is caused His disciples to give up their lives for it, for him then it should affect my life to greater degree than I believe it is.

But the best part about this, is that He is not a God that is sitting up their angry with you and your lack of faith, or lack of effort. He is there, in your life, actively in your life whether you sense it or not. He is luring you back. And the best time is now for you to turn and change. If you are sick of something being a certain way then do something about it. For me, I am not okay with my relationship with Him to be subpar. I am going to do something about it today. For me right now, it is being honest with myself and everyone else as to where I am. And then next it is going to be opening up my Bible and spending some time with the one person that knows me inside and out, the good the bad and the very ugly sides of me and still loves me the same.

Four weeks in- the Haiti Adventure

I had been meaning to post a blog post every week I was in Haiti. But wifi has proved to be an interesting thing. I thought I would have good wifi on Fridays when we go to the beach. But the wifi is not strong enough, or it is being used by too many people. There is a food place that has great food and “wifi” but the two out of the four times I have been there it hasn’t worked.

Also the truth is I do not know what to write. For someone who thinks a lot and questions things and contemplates what is around me I do not have a lot to say. It is almost like I want something profound, I want to write something that means something every single time and when I do not feel it, or think it is unimportant I shrug it off and deem it not worthy to be written. But we are not all profound and deep all of the time. We are not always learning something that is crazy intellectual. Sometimes we are merely doing life, as we would in the states, but we are not in the states.

I am sorry for not having something better. For not being the amazing window into a world most of us do not know.

Some things I have learned while living in Haiti for four weeks.

1.     Nothing is ever on time.

No matter how much you think it might be, people are either 2 hours early (the tap tap) or a half an hour late (meals). They very much have this concept of when I get to it. This is not always a bad thing, but it is hard to adjust to when you are used to things being pretty punctual.

2.     Haiti has a smell

There is a distinct scent to Haiti. It is not always a particularly bad smell, but it is not roses and daisies either. I actually am finding that I am smelling more and more like Haiti. And I do not really hate it.

3.     Your feet are never clean

Even if you wear shoes, even if you wear socks your feet will never be clean. I am not sure how it happens, how it seeps into your sneakers but it was something that I had to get over very quickly. (ya see I very much like clean feet, and do not really enjoy dirty feet)

4.     The views are breathtaking

The mountain views while we drive up to Fond Blanc, with the different rivers coursing through it. The steep sides of the peaks with their small trails coiling around it. The villagers trekking up the paths with ease as they balance all sorts of bags and buckets on their heads. The ocean that is a shade of blue you cannot recreate with a brush or a filter. These views are beautiful. They take my breath away because I am speechless to be able to explain them. Then there are the other views that take my breath away for a different reason. The mounds of trash on the side of the road. The trash that is lining the river almost as a retaining wall. The different farm animals that have ribs protruding from their sides. The many buildings in disarray, half standing, half fallen away a long time ago and those establishments that seem to have been started then long forgotten. These views are hard for me to erase and even harder to understand the juxtaposition of the former views amidst the latter.

5.     Pit stains are inevitable

It is hot, I mean hot, all the time. There are times when it is less hot, but never when it is cold. Or so we say as Americans but the Haitians would call it cold. I am not one of the girls or people who doesn’t sweat. I very much sweat and very much do it a lot. So pit stains became something that I stopped caring about very quickly. And you know when it is truly hot, because the Haitians are even sweating. Fun fact.

6.     Nothing is easy

Everything besides bags for popcorn, oil and a soda is an hour drive into civilization. We are very much removed from normal life, which I love, but that also means that things are not convenient. You have to plan ahead.  Water, food, airport, beach, anything else you want is an hour to two hours away. Get in an accident and not conveniently located by the police station good luck having any sort of justice. Even driving up the mountain, not easy.

Two weeks in- The Haiti Adventure

I have been in Haiti for two weeks now. And for some odd reason it still feels like I am only here for a short term trip, which I know I kind of still am only here for a short time.  The sweat is a very real thing. Very real. All the time real. But it rains most nights, so that cools it down. I am learning Creole which has been helpful, but there are still some people who insist on speaking to me in Creole and I am usually lost, but they are extremely gracious and kind.

The last post was one where I was not confident in this speaking role. I cannot say that I am overly confident now, but I can say that God has continued to speak through me every single night. I practice my talks numerous times but right before I go up and speak I still feel like I have no idea what the flow is of my talk. When we are singing the worship songs in the beginning I often wonder, God what am I talking about again, what is the sequence of my words. And every time without fail He comes through and speaks through me. Every time my talk is also a little different which I like, because then I know that the Spirit is taking it. It is not memorized. But the same ideas are there every time.  I am still not the most confident, I still wonder if God got it right. If I am really the one that He chose to do this role, but here I am, here, speaking almost every night. Leading this staff of people the best way possible. All with His strength and wisdom.

God has continually been surprising me. When I get annoyed with someone or think they aren’t pulling their weight they do something that changes my negative thoughts about them. It is almost like God is reminding me that they are useful and productive even if it is not always in the way that I want them to be.  

It is truly hard to put into words what these few weeks have been like. I have, we have, had to be very flexible. Haiti is very much run on its own timetable. It is rare for things to actually be on time.  So I am having to continually roll with it and make decisions on the fly that I feel are best. I take input from the staff if I can and see what they think, because truly more thoughts are better than just my own. But then I have to make the decision, that is not my favorite part about being the leader.

I have been pretty good at delegating which I thought was going to be difficult. The responsibilities of this role scared me a lot but He has been faithful and has made me capable. I do not feel like I am in over my head at all.  I have one teammate who has become almost like my assistant for lack of a better word. She knows pretty well that when the leader says something it is not always received very well so she takes it on herself to call people out, in a loving way, and to help out in those areas. I am extremely grateful for her and truly believe that one reason God has placed her here is for that.  But also many other reasons. She connects with the children at the orphanage in a way that is truly beautiful. (Oh and by the way I have realized that I use the word truly a lot, I was doing one of my talks and I noticed I was saying it all the time.)

I am learning a lot. I am learning how to be a selfless leader. I am continuing to learn when it is necessary to call people out and keep them accountable and when it is just necessary to take it, grin and bear it for lack of a better term.

The road has been a huge inconvenience. But also a huge blessing. It has allowed the groups to get out of the orphanage and truly, there it is again, be among the community they are serving in. They have been working alongside the Haitians to rebuild this road and it has been beautiful to watch. To see them playing games with the village children or try and chat with the adult villagers has been refreshing and has inspired me to step out of my comfort zone. To not worry so much about the work, but about the relationships, because that is what this is all about. The relationships.