The Box you are in, is not your making.

Today I have been watching One Tree Hill. I am going through the seasons. I have loved this show ever since it was on the air.

Let's be real I did not watch one episode, I watched 4 or more lol. Do not judge me.

But today one of my favorite episodes came up. My favorite episodes consist of them going through something real, not all of this drama, but actually real issues that most of the teenagers go through, because these episodes were on almost 10 years ago, but lets be real the issues that teenagers go through are not different. They are the same, acceptance, finding a way, being someone, being known, living, these have not changed, and they do not change when you become an adult. As an adult I still have these issues. Sorry to break it to you teenagers, it doesn't always get easier, it just changes, the issues become something else. Hopefully you find that you have worth, and then you do not need to worry about acceptance, being known, you already have it, inside.

 We like to say that it is harder to be a child today than it was 50 years ago. But children didn't really have a say 50 years ago. Things are not easier or harder, they are the same, they have their ups and downs.

This episode is 4:13. It is when they get matched up with another student and they get to know them. Because truly when in high school did you choose to get to know someone outside of your circle. They had to answer deep questions. Telling secrets, sharing something personal, doing impressions (doesn't sound deep, but doing impressions in front of people is scary, it takes courage to act a fool). Most people might think that teenagers would schluff this off and take it as a free period. But I don't think that is true. I think that most teenagers want to talk about what is going on. Some of it is because they are self-absorbed, let's be real we all are. But they are going through so much, they are in a phase of life that is confusing. They are on the cusp of being an adult, but they are still very much children. They are trying to figure themselves out and are dealing with a lot of the aforementioned issues.

Or that some people stay in the box that people have put them in, because they know it is easier for their peers, so they stay in it. And they know that when they leave high school, they can break that mold. They can be whoever they want to be. I felt that way in high school. I made a pretty huge 180 when I was half way through high school, but I still felt as though I was in a shadow, or in a box. I was always in the gossip and I hated it. When I left high school and found myself in a foreign country at school. Something pretty major happened and I did not even know about it. I knew in that moment that I was creating a new identity, not pretending or being something different, just not held back by the restrictions people subconsciously put on me in high school. We all create these restrictions for others, it is what makes us feel comfortable. When they go out of those boundaries that is when we feel betrayed, because they went against what we knew them to be. Not that they went against themselves, they broke the nice box we made for them and now we don't know what to do. They may have lied and cheated, but we all have the capacity to do those things, so they are not going against themselves. We just didn't think they would ever do it, or ever do it to us, and they did. So we are hurt. Because our concept that we built for them isn't necessarily true anymore. Or we do not give them room to evolve.

When I was in university one of my close friends, lets call her Emma, started to date this guy, lets call him Sam. They had been friends for a few years and decided they had feelings for each other so they started to date. Now at this time the Sam's friends did not like this. See the thing is Sam was a very outgoing type of guy. He was the life of the party so to speak. He began to become an intellectual, spending a lot of his time reading, contemplating life and his role in it. Thus he was spending less time being social. Of course this rocked his friends, because they have this perception of who Sam was and when he started to become something different they didn't know what to do. So when Sam started to date Emma, who also was becoming an intellectual, they were not on board. They talked negatively about her, in some ways appeared to sabotage their relationship all because they thought Emma was wrong for Sam, but yes maybe Emma was not right for who Sam was, but Sam is not that person anymore. But they couldn't see that or maybe didn't want to see it. Because it would shatter their box that they created. We all create them for all sorts of things. It is how we cope. Oh I know you are wondering if Emma and Sam are still together, if they made it against their friends wishes. Well, no they didn't. They lasted a few weeks, it was not only because of their friends that they didn't last it was many things.

My favorite picture in this episode that they do is Brooke's picture. She stands in front of an overhead projector and writes down a lot of her fears and insecurities. But the truth is, when she steps away those things will still be on the wall, but not on her. They do not have to define you.

One last thing, that has nothing to do with the majority of this blog post, is the music that was on this episode. It is amazing here is the list:

What can I do?-Rosebuds

Masochist-Ingrid Michaelson 

Chloe Dancer/Crown of Thornes- Mother Love Bone

Tuesday's Gone- Lynard Skynard 

Don't Wait- Dashboard Confessional

Baba O'Reily- The Who 

Check them out. 

Why Hello Mr. Portillo.

So life has a funny way of surprising you. The day seems like an ordinary day and then something happens that will never leave your memories.

Today was one of those days. I was eating lunch with a friend at a new Portillo's restaurant. It is a Chicago based restaurant that specializes in hot dogs, burgers, chicken. (They started out of a trailer and made dogs.) Anyway. Since it is new there are so many people there, or actually I hear they are always crazy busy, but it is a well oiled machine for sure. But also there was nowhere for us to sit, so we had to sit at the bar kind of thing, for usually people that are eating alone. Well there was one seat left by us. This older gentlemen comes and sits by us. He is wearing a maroon button up and dress pants.He comes over with a bottle of water, cottage cheese and papaya. My friend and I look at each other with the face of, seriously coming in here with your own food. But we just thought he is an older gentlemen, let him be. Little did we know who just sat by us.

Well he then dribbles some of his cottage cheese onto his hand and leans over to us and says, "I swear when I eat I become a 4 year old." We kindly give him some napkins and we began talking. He introduces himself as Dick Portillo (the founder), but we at first are like really? But then he starts to give stories that only he could know. We end up chatting with him for like a half an hour. He is so down to earth and easy to talk to. We chatted about our jobs, and he mentioned that he goes to Florida a lot. We asked how many people work here at any given point and he said 72, can you imagine, that is crazy.

One thing that really stuck out to me was when he talked about the hard years, in that trailer. He said that there were three years that were really hard and scary. Where he was wondering what he got himself into. He talked about fear, the fight or flight response. He was saying that fear does something to your mind. Either you stay and continue on, hoping it will get better, or you quit. Well he stayed and fought and look at him now.

It just goes to show you that everyone who starts something where there is some fear involved has to make a choice everyday when things are hard, keep going or quit. If you choose to keep going you have no idea what could be around the next corner. It had an impact on me. Because I feel as though right now, with Arbonne, I am going through a rough time. It has not been as easy as it was in the beginning and I am having to choose everyday, to either keep going or quit. Well I choose to keep going, because you never know what could happen.

It was such a surreal experience. We were like giddy school girls when he left. And then he came back with cookies. We got a photo with him and then others came over and were asking for photos.

4 Simple Ways to Redirect

I have been overcome recently with the concept of:

You define what is important to you by what you spend your time doing.

I have been spending my summer watching a lot of TV, Netflix may have been a mistake, and watching a lot of sports/sports commentating (but the Blackhawks have won the Stanley Cup so that is done), working out, and worrying about Arbonne, you read that correctly, worrying. two out of the three of these things are in a way good for me. Working out is important for my health and well being, I wouldn't say that I am over doing it or spending an unhealthy amount of time on it. Worrying about Arbonne, Arbonne is my job so I should be thinking about it, but worrying is not going to change a thing. Now the TV thing is a waste of time, but I cannot change it by worrying about it. 

What I realized is that God, who I say all these great things about (because they are true) and who has saved me from myself. Who has guided and protected me throughout my life. Who loves me more than I will ever know. He does not even seem to crack the top ten of my list. I say that He is at the top, but is He truly. No. 

I say quite a lot, but my actions are what truly reveal my heart. I may in my mind want many things to be true. But they are merely thoughts in my mind, they are ideas. Ideas are nothing if they are not either shared or created into something. If people just kept their ideas to themselves we would not have some of the greatest inventions or thinkers. It just shows that actions, what you do is important. It is what others will know you by. That is because people cannot read your mind, they only know what type of person you are by how you speak and what you do. And they will find out very quickly if you are a person of integrity, what you say matches what you do, or if you are a hypocrite, your words do not match what you do. Then your words mean nothing. 

I need to get back to my words, or the things I want to be true about me, to mean something. What I spend my time doing matters, 

Here are 4 simple ways to get yourself back on track. 

1. Take an inventory of what you are spending your time doing or thinking about. 

This is key. Most of the things we spend time doing are not bad. It is the fact that we spend too much time on them. These activities have taken the place of God in our lives, or have taken the place of something else we would like to achieve. Or they have simply become God to us. We need to take a step back and look at our day and see what we are doing, in our down time when we are not working, what are we filling our time with. Even when we are at work what is going through our minds is key. Is it a constant string of complaints, or can we just not wait until it is closing time (cue Matchbox 20)? Write these things down. Take a normal day and write down everything you do and everything you think about.

2. Make a list of what you want to do/be

This means that you need to figure out what you want with life, and who you want to be. Where do you want to be in 5 years? What kind of a person do you see yourself being? So for example I would like to be debt free, living on my own, and doing something that I truly love. Those may seem quite simple, but you haven't seen my student loans!!! Now there are other things that I would like as well, but those came to mind first. Maybe you want to volunteer, or start a startup or be involved in something that matters. Whatever it is big or small write it down. This is your list of goals. 

3. Look over both lists, cross off from list 1 what is not going to help you with list 2. 

So in this step you need to think critically. Look over what you want from life, or where you want to be going (list 2) and decide which activities from list 1 will assist you in getting there. If it does not assist you, then cross it off. These activities need to be down strictly in moderation.  

For example,  if you are thinking that TV will be in your future, as a writer or a reviewer then watching TV will actually be beneficial for you. But if you are merely watching TV to fill time, that will not get you to be where you want to be. Those minutes or hours, maybe even days will never come back. (remember I am not condemning anyone, I am an avid TV watcher remember) 

If you want to have an impact in some way, maybe in the lives of people or with a product. Then you should probably be out doing something that can have the opportunity to make an impact. Cross of everything that is getting in the way of you being who you want to be. 

4. Brainstorm what activities you can do to aid you in achieving list 2

So for me, I need to think of ways to make a little extra money, (to get rid of my debt and quickly as possible). That is one reason why I started with a Network Marketing company. I need to spend a little more time formulating a budget and sticking to it. (its true what they say mo money, mo problems, (well its really mo money, mo ways I can spend that money) Once my debt is more under control I can think of moving out and living on my own. 

This means that I need to start to spend more time with God. Reading his word, journaling, praying, worshiping. Being concerned with what He would have me do today, not being consumed with the future. (you may be thinking but you just said 5 years from now) Yes you should have goals and dreams, and plans, but they shouldn't own you. Today is all that is certain and even then it is not so certain. 

So maybe you need to look into volunteering more, maybe with your church, with different organizations around your city, or traveling to larger cities and finding ways to get involved. Not always are opportunities going to come to you, sometimes you need to go and seek them out. Maybe you want to write, well what you need to do is write. 

Find ways to achieve some of your goals today, or take steps to achieving your goals today. What you do today may have a great impact on your future and you had no idea.