People may call it a transition, I know I did. But really a transition is leaving one thing and getting ready for something else. So life, indeed, could be a transition. One very large transition, splattered with a ton of little transitions.
Transitions are necessary, they are the learning periods. But for some reason they are viewed as less than, at least by me. But they have purpose, even if they may not feel as though they do. I think that is because I have not viewed it as a transition, because usually in a transition what you are moving into is known, that is what you are transitioning into.
I guess this time I have seen as waiting. And we, especially in America, are not fond of waiting, we see it as time wasted. Hello microwave, and drive thrus. Waiting has no meaning until you get to THAT place, to the front, until you have arrived. Then it gains meaning. And we view that time waiting as a waste of my precious time. But the thing with God is that He knows exactly how precious that time is, and I cannot imagine Him wasting valuable time. But what is interesting is what his definition of wasted time vs. our definition of wasted time. We see it as a waste, but maybe in that line we were right where we were supposed to be. And it wasn't a mistake, and it wasn't a waste. And maybe we missed the entire point, because we are so used to being on the move. That waiting, standing/sitting still for too long, is not okay.
I know for me it seems like I am wasting my time when I do not feel as though I am doing anything, doing anything valuable, making a difference, that my job is not this grand thing. That I do not have a full time job, or that I am not settling down, or starting a family.
And what I have come to realize is that these things, most of these things are societal norms that I have put on myself as universally normal. That without them I am behind or missing out.
And I imagine to Him wasting my time would be relying on myself too much, and taking my focus off of Him. But even in that he can use it, and usually does. So then is it a waste? Maybe it's when I become caught up in this world. But even then, is that wasted or would He see it as missed opportunities, not being obedient, bumps in the road, lessons that need to be learned, hitting bottom so that I can realize I cannot do it on my own and I do not need to.
I have struggled with not feeling as though I am doing what I am supposed to be doing, and not being where I should be. But truly I can say that I think I am right where I am supposed to be right now. That is no other place I am supposed to be. Just maybe it is all part of his grand plan.What is funny is if you read this a few months ago, on these two posts, number 1, and post number 2 and reading this now, you would think I was bi polar. That I had some serious issues. But I can say that I am the happiest, which I know is not the point, that I have been in a while. And what is also really great about it, is that nothing has really changed. I have not received an amazing job offer, I have not found my niche, I have not arrived, so to speak, but my outlook has changed. I am truly trusting God. And man as they say, it is sweet! He is providing for me. I have enough work to keep the bill collectors at bay, kidding, kind of, and enough me time to keep me sane. God is very good. And I am not having to say this to remind myself, I feel it, it is like a rock my foundation is built on.
I do not have a full time job, a husband, a place to call my own, I am not settled down, but I know I am right where I am meant to be. And there is meaning and value in this time, in this waiting time. It is not wasted. He is working a new in me. I mean hello those two previous posts and this one. I wondered if it would happen, that shift in my life, and I think I thought it would happen when I received what I was looking for, but God has different plans and they are far superior to mine. Next time I will share more about what I think I am learning in this time, (funny how I try to figure out what God is trying to teach me, so foolish, He will blow it all out of the water.)
I love this song by Hillsong called Captain. Especially these lyrics.
