A funny!

I said that other day that I sounded like a broken record and my kids said, " What is that?" I realized that what generation I was talking to so I rephrased it and said I sound like a skipping CD. They understood that one much better. HA

I like, I do not like

I am beginning to realize that I really enjoy teaching and being in front of the class but there are some things that I do not take as much enjoyment in. These include...

• grading or marking, as I like to say thank you Canada. 
• writing lesson plans
• classroom management
• dealing with their childish problems, "He stole my pencil." "She looked at me funny." and so on.

I know that classroom management is essential and I would say that I, for the most part, have them in line, but the continual having to be consistent and insistent, BRUCE, can be tiring and repetitive.

I try to do as much grading as I can in class, but feel as though I am wasting valuable teaching time. If I did not I would spend all of my time grading/marking and I do not want it to be my life.

At the school I am at we have to do full lesson plans, very detailed, which can be irritating, has become much faster.

I do not event know how much many times I have said, "I am not teaching kindergarten. If I wanted to I would be, but I am not. So please deal with your own problems and stop complaining about everything little thing."

It is a learning curve for sure and I hope that I can find some good routines for grading and what not. To save my sanity.

the first year

So it has been a while since I posted.

I now have a full time teaching job. It is quite surreal. I am teaching grade 5 at a charter school about a half hour commute from my house. My first day went well, but I was so immensely overwhelmed at the end of the day, the only way I new to relieve that stress was to cry. And boy did I. I cried my whole half hour home and then felt so much better. I have not cried since.

Each day/week seems to get easier. My planning does not seem to take as long as it did that first few weeks. My copies are prepared the week before I need them, instead of the the day before I need them.

I love Copies. I will say it. I hate that I go through paper like crazy, but I cannot help it. I love copies. They are my best friend as a teacher. I go through about 2 reams of paper every two weeks or so. It may seem ridiculous, but ask any teacher, copies make your life easier.

My class is pretty good. They are children which I need to keep reminding myself of. They are only 10 or so and they are not completely in control of their own mouths. (But lets be honest, some adults aren't even in control of their mouths) I vow to not raise my voice often, yes use a stern voice, but I do not want to yell. I hear some of the other teachers yelling and I feel as though it is not effective. I think this because they are still yelling and we are 5 weeks in. So I want to try a different tactic. I am really trying to focus on positive reinforcement and taking time to discuss proper behavior and attitudes. We shall see if it works out.

I am almost an eighth of the way through the year.

not much has changed, but the scenery

So school is officially over, well it has been for about a week now. I am in transition from the school year to summer programming. I am with the big kids 1st-6th grade and they are a delight. Coming from the kindergarteners that are crazy and loud, these kids are gems and welcome relief.

I have been feeling these last few years that kids are growing up so fast, but this week has reassured me a bit that some things do not/have not changed much.

A girl brought in a plastic container that had a lot of strings organized in it and she wanted to make friendship bracelets. This is something that I did very often when I was young. I am currently sporting one on my ankle as we speak.

The girls have been playing school every moment they get. They pick up on all of the things that their teachers do and say and they mimic them to teach other. It is hilarious and also very endearing, because these kids are being kids. They are using their imagination and playing. Which is something that I did all of the time when I was young. School and house were my top two games I would play.

We played MASH the other day. One of the girls had a notebook with prewritten cateories. It was seriously a blast from the past. We would write our own categories that would fill entire notebook page from vacation spots to pet names. I married Simon Cowel which made me laugh.

I like that some things have stayed the same. Children seem to be amused with the same activities that amused us. They may have Ds' and PSPs, but we had Game Boys, or as my brother had a Sega Game Gear. It was much larger than the ones they have now a-days. But equally as effective. They still play school, kickball, and foursquare.

It gives me a little more hope that kids are still being kids. They may try to act cool and older than they truly are, but really they will jump at the chance to play school.

Big Step

So I took a big step today. It is a step that I needed to take a while ago, but for some reason I procrastinated, well I know the reason and I will get to it in a bit. I finally registered to take a few tests that I need to take to be a certified teacher in Illinois. You may be asking why it has taken me a year to register for these tests. Well I am afraid. As long as I can remember I have never been very good at tests, especially the standardized ones. I always second guess myself and I sweat like crazy because I am so nervous. I read and reread things numerous times because for some reason I am not retaining information because I am so nervous. I also didn't want to register for these tests because it is such a commitment. I hesitated when pressing the submit button because it was such a commitment, I was locked in. So weird.


Not sure if you remember back when I had to take a test for Family Video and I was so nervous, I was racing through things and I did not feel very good about the outcome, but I was wrong. I passed it, so maybe I am getting better at tests. We shall see, I have about a month and half to get prepared. I need to buy study material and put some real effort into this. Not my half-assed normal effort that I put into almost everything else in my life. But an extra dose of effort that is of someone else. Because I cannot afford to fail these things. I mean literally I cannot afford to fail them and then have to take them again. So fingers crossed.

the stereotype

So I am at home by myself on a Saturday night. My mom is away for the weekend. My go-to friend is away as well, does that sounds bad? go-to friend? anyway... I am thinking about how as a college graduate I am the stereotype, I moved home.

I am in my mi-mid- oh man my midtwenties now, wow that is hard to grasp. I was working at the video store last night and my new manager said he felt older than he was at 22 and I said that I do not feel as old as I am. I seriously do not, high school in some ways feel like yesterday, not seven years ago. It is weird, time just keeps going and I, in some ways feel as though I cannot catch up. It is an odd feeling, hard to describe.

Back to the subject at hand. I am the stereotype. I live at home. I am not completely ashamed by it. It is the sensible decision to make. But I also wonder if any self-respecting boy is going to find it remotely attractive. But then I also think that I do not really care because right now, to be completely honest, I am not looking for anyone, in that sort of way. These are the ramblings of my mind, after two glasses of wine and some solitude!

Stay tune for some more! My mind is always a going.

INKed

So I have really wanted to get a tattoo. Not just because it is trendy or edgy but because I was realizing that it was very easy for me to forget who I had become and desired to be. I had taken so much to try and understand what God thinks of his people. What truly his affections are toward us. The resounding answer was the idea of love, this type of unconditional love that is not contingent on how I behave, but has been constant since beginning of time. Realizing that no matter what I do God will love me the same is completely freeing. I had been living in a cycle of shame and guilt, that is how my relationship with God was fueled. Or my life in general. And now I can be free of that destructive type of thinking, which is not of God. And be free to understand that He is here all of the time and He possible of anything and all I have to do is give myself to him and allow him to transform you. Just being there and being open. He will seriously do wonders that you never dreamed of. It is amazing to me that I can forget this type of sacrifice and love, but as fallen people we are prone to forget some of the greatest things that happen and focus on the bad things.

So a few years ago I was realizing that it would be good to have a constant reminder of who I desire to be. This was the first time that I even thought of getting a tattoo. I have always liked them, but never thought I would actually get one, until now.

But I am so indecisive.

It takes me forever to decide what to eat if there are more than 5 options. It took me 4 years to finally pick a pair of TOMS. enough said.

I also really enjoy being original, very difficult in this society at times, but with getting a tattoo I want something original, I don't just want to get the word LOVE because I hate to say it but it is a bit cliche. I also want to get it in a place that is different and not just the usual.

See I have these thoughts going through my head every time I think about getting a tattoo. Which makes me think I might not even do it. But I have to, I cannot just let my indecisiveness get in my way, but it is a serious decision as well. It is there forever!

This is my conflict.

I like idea of love in a different language.

Writing daughter in Hebrew.

Just be-

Loved-

redeemed-

Or something of the sort. I would like it on my right hand somewhere, I think.

Oh the mind of me! Crazy!

Present Vs. Future Minded

I took a trip.

I traveled to Denver to visit a friend and had a great time. I was able to see some great scenery and eat at some great places. I was even able to visit a private school while I was out there. It is a really nice school and I would love an opportunity to teach at it. But we shall see. I am have some struggles with how much I should be focusing on the future while still being present. We are always told to live in the here and now do not worry about the past because it is the past and do not worry about the future because today have enough troubles as it is.

But...

I know that I am suppose to be "doing" something, putting in job applications, inquiring about openings, looking online. I know that God would wants doers, not just thinkers or great intentions. But how much am I suppose to be preparing for something that is not right now. I have a job, very stinkin grateful, so should I be focusing on finding a job when I already have one.

I have said before that I am not very good at planning or preparing for the future if I have stuff going on right now. I have found that I cannot put my all into my job or whatever it may be that I am currently doing if I thinking and planning for my next step. So I find that I can only do both half-assed if I am doing them both at the same time.

I did not learn this recently, but it is coming up again. I am not an over-achiever. In school I never went the extra mile, I did not proofread my papers twice, I lucky if I even did it once. I rarely studied for tests for more than a few hours. I just did what I did and did decent. And I was okay with that. I would though, go the extra mile in my relationships. they were things I cared a bit more about. So I am finding that if I was an over-achiever in school I might be more driven to put out so many applications. But I do put some applications out and do a little extra with those, so many opportunities will develop even with those few feelers I put out there.

Here's to seeing what the future holds, and trying to be immersed in the present.

rattled.

I think that things happen in your life that make you realize that no matter how much you try you will never do everything perfect. Even if you do not actually do anything wrong, you may not have done it exactly right. Or at least not how someone needed/desired for you to do it. These situations bring on humility and maybe a little anger. You have been trying to be LOVE, embody it as much as possible, then for some reason you miss something so rudimentary that it angers you. How could you miss that one simple way to show someone love. It rattles you because everything that you have tried to be can seem to be whipped away in one simple mistake. I do not like to let people down, miss an opportunity to be there for someone.

I experienced this recently. Someone I know is going through a very difficult time and I failed to acknowledge it. I merely swept it under the rug like it wasn't there. I mean I had reasons for not doing so. But in her eyes I did not care. That simple of a conversation and I look different in her eyes. Even when I do reach out it has strings attached to it, in her eyes. I cannot erase it and it is hard for me. Everything that I feel like I have tried to be is in a way jeopardized.

Then I realize that some of this is selfish thinking...

I know it might not be this extreme, but this is kind of how I work. I can have the tendency to polarize things. I am also very emotional and very empathetic. So this combination just screams rational thought all of the time.

A little window into my mind.

New Book.

So I just finished this book that I got on a whim from the library. It was in the new section and I have enjoyed the author before so I thought I would try it out. I was not let down.

In almost every chapter there was something that I found to be profound and thought provoking. I went on a journey with this man that related very much to my own journey of awakening and self-discovery of sorts.

The book Aleph the author Paulo Coelho. I had also read The Alchemist by him and it was very much about fulfilling your dream/destiny even if it sounds absurd or everyone is saying that it cannot happen or it may take awhile. Follow the signs and follow your heart.

Aleph was about a spiritual awakening that the author actually went on. He traveled across the Trans-Siberian Railway, across 8 time zones, in search of forgiveness from his past.

Here are some of those profound tidbits that made me go hummmm.

pg-12- "Our life is a constant journey, from birth to death. The landscape changes, the people change, our needs change, but the train keeps moving. Life is the train, not the station. Ans what you're doing now isn't traveling, it's just changing countries, which is completely different."

pg.-15- "Whenever I refused to follow my fate, something very hard to bear would happen in my life. And that is my great fear at the moment, that some tragedy will occur. Tragedy always brings about radical change in our lives, a change that is associated with the same principle: loss. When faced by any loss, there's no point in trying to recover what has been; it's best to take advantage of the large space that opens up before us and fill it with something new. In theory, every loss is for our own good; in practice, though, that is when we question the existence of God and ask ourselves: What did I do to deserve this?"

pg. -21- "They say that in the second before our death, each of us understands the real season for our existence, and out of that moment, Heaven or Hell is born. Hell is when we look back during that fraction of a second and know that we wasted an opportunity to dignify the miracle of life. Paradise is being able to say at that moment: "I made some mistakes, but I wasn't a coward. I lived my life and did what I had to do."

pg.-41- "You're traveling, but, at the same time, you haven't left home. As long as we're together, that will continue to be the case, because you have someone by your side who knows you, and this gives you a false sense of familiarity. It's time you continue on alone. You may find solitude oppressive, too much to bear; but that feeling will gradually disappear as you come more into contact with other people."

pg-46- "...my roots are ready, my soul has been slowly dying from something very hard to detect and even harder to cure. Routine. Routine has nothing to do with repetition. To become really good at anything, you have to practice and repeat, practice and repeat, until the technique becomes intuitive."

pg-62- "To live is to experience things, not sit around pondering the meaning of life."

pg-65- "There's no point explaining that all we achieve by exacting revenge is to make ourselves the equals of our enemies, whereas by forgiving we show wisdom and intelligence. Apart from monks in the Himalayas and saints in the deserts, I think we all have these vengeful feelings because they're an essential part of the human condition. We shouldn't judge ourselves too harshly."

pg-83- "No one can learn to love by following a manual, and no one can learn to write by following a course. I'm not telling you to seek out other writers but to find people with different skills from yourself, because writing is not different form any other activity done with joy and enthusiasm."

Just some words of wisdom. I found this interesting and good for my current journey.

Just thoughts.

The Reason Why...

So I have been thinking about why I have a lack of motivation in applying for teaching jobs. There are a few reason, such as, my scanner does not work and everything seems to need to be done electronically, there seem to be a ton of steps to applying so it takes forever to finish one application, There are not many jobs being offered thus I feel as though I am already doomed to fail.

But the one factor that makes it really hard for me to finish, or lets be honest, even start these applications is that I am worried that I will fail my students. Not that they will not pass, but that they will not leave with a desire to love learning. Or that they will still not believe in themselves. I realized while student teaching that as a teacher it is impossible to reach every one of your students because there were 28 of them and one of me. The odds were not in my favor. But I am not okay with that. I do not like that before the year even starts I already know that I will not be able to touch each one of their lives in some significant way. It is hard for me to start a task knowing before hand that I will not finish it well.

This may seem on one end to be idealistic or the other end to be cynical, but I guess it is hard for me to see it any other way. I know that I am a good teacher and that I will do great things but if I cannot be there for each one of my students it is hard for me to be okay with that.

I also found while student teaching that routine is very important, it creates stability, which these kids need. But I also found that I can become a robot simply following routine. That things became, at times, a little less exciting or meaningful. It was for that sake of the routine or the test or the learning outcomes, not for learning itself or wonder, or anything transcendent.

This is why it is hard for me to fill out job applications. Because I do not want to be a teacher that already sees failure before she even starts or becomes a victim to teaching to the test.

These are some things that I have noticed recently and would like to share. I have still not completed an application and know that these are simply excuses to keep me from my destiny or my greater purpose.

Funny Moment of the weekend.

I was in a used bookstore. I love used bookstores. They are a little overwhelming, but when I know what I am in there to find it is a bit easier. I went in in search of the first book in the Harry Potter series, because I actually have all of the others. I found it with ease and was checking out when the older gentlemen that owned the store said, "Did you know that you kind of remind me of the woman that is having issues with Rush Limbaugh."I was a little shocked because I do know what he is speaking of. This girl had said something to the effect that she would have sex for money or something of the sort and Rush said " you know what we call that, a slut." I was not sure how to take this statement by the man at the bookstore. It took me aback. Was it a compliment or simply an observation. And as I left I could not help but laugh. Very odd and entertaining!

birthday festives.

So I turned 25 this past week. I know there are some of you that think, "Wow 25 years young, oh to be 25 again." and others will think, " Man 25 years old, that is like 30, which is like 40, its getting old." Well I have always had an issue with age, getting older. The idea that some things will never be that same. So you can see that turning 25, which is a milestone, would potentially be hard for me. Now This particular year I actually happened to come down with the flu, so my birthday was pretty uneventful and I think also allowed for me to glide into 25 will ease and not much thought. Maybe in hindsight being sick was for a reason. I also made jokes that my body is deciding to shut down now that I am 25. It seems it is only going to get worse.

So for the weekend I had opportunity to go into Chicago and spend some time with a friend, but also my brother and sister-in-law. So I for sure did some things this weekend that either I secretly had been wanting to do, or have learned why I do not do it. So firstly, I get into Chicago around 9 and eat some dinner and my friends apartment. Then her, her friend, and I go to a Irish pub that is having Karaoke. Now I am terrified to go and sing in front of people, but I also secretly would like to mark it off my bucketlist. So we walk in hoping that there will be a lot of people there and some how get away with not singing. To our surprise there was maybe 15 people there. So our presence is not going unnoticed. So finally after about 3 hours of searching through the binder and continually finding different songs we "could" do we decide on Express Yourself by Madonna. It went very well, I think. There were three of us and it was maybe hard to tell. But I found it quite exhilarating. I was ready for bed before it, but then was wide awake after.

We became a little cocky and decided to do Baby Got Back next, it crashed and burned. We were good for maybe 2/3 of it, and then it was just going too fast for us. We tried to just laugh a lot and hope that would over come it. Who knows.

The experience that I encountered that I understood now why I do not like to do it is when going to a movie I now know why I like to sit in the back of the theater. Because when you are too close you either get a headache, a crink in your neck, or motion sickness. My friend actually had to go and sit in the back because of it. I was pretty good, but the screen was so big and I am not 12 anymore. Next time I will make a better choice.

So this weekend was very fun I very much enjoy Chicago. It is beautiful, mysterious, lively, and energetic. Whenever I can go in I always enjoy it.

Now back to reality and my next task. Filling job applications. Oh boy what fun. NOT AT ALL!

My own.

I am so ready to have my own classroom. Today my teacher told me to occupy the class for a minute. She said read a story or play Simon Says or (this one was the one she really wanted to me to do I could tell.) have them make words with the alphabet chart. So I had them create words with the chart, then she says oh I always tell them a word and then they spell it. So I just kept doing my thing. Then she says who can spell bone. So obviously I was not doing it right, it just really annoyed me and I was thinking "Why didn't you just do it, Don't sit here and give me freedom , when you want it done a certain way."

I am so ready to have my own classroom and not have to think about every decision that I make and if it is right or not. If they would like me to do it that way. I will do what I want to do.

PS I got my provisional teaching certificate for Illinois, so now I can actually apply for jobs and have a chance of getting it.

Recipe

Made this salad tonight and it was fantastic.

(Photo cred. http://www.espressoandcream.com/2010/11/autumn-chopped-salad.html)

It was amazing. Tasted so good. The one thing that I did differently than the recipe was had the dressing on the side. So that I could eat it later and not have it get soggy, but also so I could regulate the dressing on my salad.

You must try it. It is so good.

Valentine's Day

So I finally did something that found on pinterest. (which I will say I just spelled pintrust, I know I have been working with kinde

rgartners too much.) I find so many cool

things on there and have yet to do many of them. I did make a scarf I found on pinterest for Christmas, but that is about it. So I found a few V-day cookies I wanted to make. So I did. And they turned out to be pretty good.

I made heart cut outs with jam in between. This was a Martha Stewart recipe, which I thought might be ambitious, because hello it's Martha Stewart. This recipe is at Martha Stewart.com Valentine cookies.

The other cookies are Red Velvet Cookies. They were super easy. I love Red Velvet. Here is the link for these ones. http://www.twopeasandtheirpod.com/red-velvet-crinkle-cookies/

One difference with the ones I did and her recipe is I took some dough would squish it down then cut out the heart and then bake. I found I could make more cookies this way because I would use the leftovers from the cutout with the next cookie. What she does in her recipe is bake the cookie then while it is still warm cuts the heart into it. It does make a unique looking cookie, but I did not want to eat all of the scraps.

These cookies I shared with the teachers at my school.

For the valentines that I brought to my classroom I took the idea from my aunt who got the idea from pinterest. Cutting out a moustache and lips from foam. Then putting a hole in it and attaching it to a sucker. I added the heart because I did not want to buy the adhesive paper to print the labels on. Here is the link http://blonde-designs.squarespace.com/blonde-designs-blog/2010/2/3/lip-and-moustache-lollipops.html

I am spending my v-day night with a friend, a girl that is. Dinner and some fun and then going to my second family's house for the weekly Glee, New Girl, and Parenthood viewing. Such a great day.

healthy, fit.

Okay why was I not told when I was younger that I should maybe eat more vegetables or maybe run around the block. I am not saying that I needed to do this when I was say 7 or even maybe 10 but in high school or maybe in college, okay so maybe I should have just continued running around with my friends outside instead of sitting in the house watching a movie or going out to eat and eating fried food. Because if I did that then maybe I would be fit now, and just have to maintain it and it would be so easy because I had been doing it for years. lol.

Well this is not the reality and so I am now starting at square one. I have been active at different parts of my life in the last few years, but not on a regular basis. So now I am working on making it permanent. I have working out for a few weeks now, at least 6 days a week. I heard that it takes 21 days to create a habit and I would say that I just know now that I will wake up at 6 and work out.

I actually find that the working out is not the hard part now. The hard part is the eating healthy. I am doing pretty good at it, but sweets are a real issue for me. It is normally just a bit here and there, but I find that it starts to add up. Working out does not do it alone, you have to eat right.

I also find that because I work out in the morning I am so hungry all day. I mean every few hours I need something in my belly, which means I am eating lots more, trying to make some healthier choices but still eating more.

Almost every morning I have Chobani greek yogurt with either granola or a small bowl of cereal. Then I have small whole wheat saltines for a little snack or a granola bar to tie me over until snack, then I have an apple for snack. A salad or left overs from the night before for lunch. I am normally good until PM snack and then I have an orange or fruit of some kind. For dinner I try to have a vegetarian meal one night a week (tomorrow is a Mexican bowl with black beans for the protein), fish twice a week. Ground turkey lots.

I will keep you updated on my healthy eating woes and mishaps.

One thing I hate is when people ask if I am on a diet or ask why I am dieting and I am not dieting I am being healthy. This is my lifestyle change, not a fad!

cooking.

So as a college graduate there is one thing that I really wanted to become good at or more experienced at and that one thing is, you probably guessed it, cooking.

I am not inept when it comes to the kitchen I know where to find most things and what those things are used for. But I always jealous of one my friends at university that would through things together it tasted amazing.

So I have been making many a dinner and am quite pleased with what I have come up with. I made some stuffed chicken breasts with what I had around, feta, Parma, tomatoes, and mushrooms. It was very delicious and wish I had a picture to share with you. I have also made some salmon burgers, put fresh salmon in a food processor with garlic, olive oil, beat a little then add, red win vinegar, hot sauce and some lemon zest, the lemon zest was amazing. Then toss with some bread crumbs and form into patties. Grill up and they are good!

These are two recipes that I have made and found to be quite fantastic. A really easy meal is a frittata, put a bunch of veggies together and put eggs on top of it in a fry pan, cover and let cook on low. No need to turn it or scramble it. It is just easy and good.

I am glad that I am getting more confident with species and experimenting with food. It has been a success and I am excited to continue.

Random Thought

I have wondered if people who are purchasing toilet paper dispensers or paper towel dispensers ever actually test them out before they choose which one to buy. Some of them are ingenius about how they dispense their paper product, and others did not seem to get the memo that we need their paper product. They hold on to it, just giving us a little bit at a time, then you have confetti to wipe your bum or hands with. That is no fun. When I find a good dispenser I actually think in my head, that is a good paper dispenser. And when I find a bad one I think didn't anyone try this before they decided to install it. I have vowed that if I am ever on a committee to purchase dispensers or am the sole person in charge of purchasing the dispensers, I will for sure test them out before hand.

Facebook status mind

It is kind of ridiculous and I am a little ashamed to say this, but not feel as though I am alone. I often think in Facebook status updates. What I mean by this is that when I am going throughout my day and something funny happens or tragic or bizzarre, or anything really in my mind I think of how I would write as a Facebook status update.

It is quite weird and feel as though Facebook has maybe penetrated a bit a too deep. Or it is kind of nice that I am sum up that event or experience in a little sentence. (maybe stretching it a bit too far). I rarely actually write these things on Facebook, but think that it can be paralleled to those people who take a good picture and think, this would look great as my profile pic or on Facebook in general.

It is funny how we want everyone to know what is going on in our lives, so we update the status or the photo album, but we rarely actually talk to people about what is going on. I do not know how many times I have either said this phrase or heard it said, "Oh I saw that on Facebook." We did not talk to the person personally about the event, but we know what is going on in their lives. Its kind of crazy. I guess that is what I am doing on a blog too, but I just have lots of thoughts, if I did not get them out, I would go crazy maybe never sleep.

I guess this is the 21st century that social network decade, where we care more about what we put on Facebook/social network sights than we do about... school work, our jobs, our future, lots of things.

A little Fashion.

So I really enjoy fashion, scratch that I love fashion. I love how it can completely change my mood and make me feel amazing. How when I wear something a little out of my comfort zone, I feel so confident.

I do not have a lot of money, and I find that most people who have a great sense of style, have the money to have a great sense of style. The reason they can dress amazing is because they have the money to. I do not, but still feel as though I have a great sense of style and simply use what I have to make new outfits. I have not bought anything new in quite some time.

Here are the essentials that I think every woman should have and could create endless outfits with.

-a blazer of some sort, it can go over a t-shirt and jeans to dress up an outfit, or wear it with a pencil skirt and a blouse. the possibilities are seriously endless with the blazer.

-A pencil skirt, it is a staple. It can be worn over a shirt that is tight, or over a shirt that is baggy and it still looks very professional. It can be worn with high heels or flats to dress it down a bit.

-a skinny belt to go around your waist. This is good for those of us that need to show we have curves because sometimes clothes can look like a pillow case. This works really nicely if you have a cardigan over your shirt and would like something to cinch it in and not look like you are frompy.

-a pair of flats, black and brown would be nice. These do not have to be expensive, but you will wear them a lot. with jeans, leggings, skirts, shorts, skinny jeans you name it they go with it.

-a pair of leggings. I have a few pairs, but I seriously wear them all the time. with an over-sized shirt, a dress, a shirt because I am too lazy to put on pants. I have not been buying new pairs of pants, I just keep buying leggings.

-a pair of boots, black or brown. I find that no matter what color brown they always look good, where as sometimes black boots can look very fake at times.

-Black and white V-neck t-shirt. It can go with any pair of jeans, tucked in or left untucked. You can put it with a pencil skirt tucked in. It seriously can go with anything.

-a nice pair of jeans. Just because.

-a cardigan, either short or medium or long in length. Maybe one of each. They are nice to wear over a tank top for a little more warmth, or to layer it even more and put a blazer on top, but I do not think that the cardigan should peek out underneath the blazer.

These are a few staples that I think every girl should have in there closet. Remember if you are unsure about an outfit, just be confident and wear it. I hate when people say that they might not be able to pull something off, just wear it and if you are confident then no one will say a thing.

Hunger Games. Hungar Games.

I just finished reading the Hunger Games trilogy and I do not have the familiar feeling that accompanies the ending of a series. Normally I am tormented with questions and unsure that I liked the ending, or that it truly ended at all.

With this trilogy I feel completeness that I so rarely feel when I finish a book. It ended well and with closure that was not perfect but beautiful and profound. The idea of love being something that endures and is not a utopia but completely worth it. Katniss followed her instincts and sometimes there was collateral damage, and she understands that it will be with her forever and to survive she needed the one person that could wipe away her nightmares with a touch. Because that collateral damage could consume her, could be her end.

It reminds me of what I will do if/when I have children and how I will relate to them when they seem to question society or decide to think for themselves. How will I explain my past and experience without telling them how to think. I want independent thinkers in my family, but how I will feel when they do not think as I do. (seems funny, but true.)

I loved these books, they kept me reading, I was late for work, completely consumed and am very glad that they are over, so that I can get back to life. But it is sad what it reveals about society. Coming into an election it makes me question what politicians' true motives might be, is it power or is it a new idea that they think they can be successful with for the better of the society. (I am rambling, I am sorry)

Hunger Games was set in a society that was very advanced, but yet very primitive in its control. It is very true that society does not really change, peoples' memories are short. We repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Our struggles are not new, they have been around for centuries. People trying to live beyond their means and therefore sending a ripple throughout society that affects the people who cannot afford it (the ones who did not bring it about in the first place.)

It can create some cynicism. It has created some cynicism.

On My Own!

So today I had the kindies all by myself for the morning. I knew I could handle it, but was still a little worried at having 20 5-6 year olds, 15 of them boys . I am pleased to say that they did not win out, I have the victory. We were able to get all of our work done and have some time to spare. IT was nice being able make my own decisions and not have to ask for validation. I had an aid in the room for about a half an hour and she was quite pleased with my ability to rangle them and move them from task to task. We did have a few punches thrown, one at recess and one that was spured on from reading a book about a snowball fight. That is what I get for being in a classroom full of boys. Anything seems to set them off to play fighting.

I feel a major sense of accomplishment. I can do this and have not lost my ability to teach on my own. I am very to ready to have my own classroom, hopefully this next year that can become a reality. I am waiting to hear back from the state as to if I have my provisional teaching certificate, when that comes through I will be applying for jobs like crazy.

Funny moment!

Funny Moment,

One of my kindies was crying and being grumpy and my teacher asked, "Where is your happy heart?" and he responds, "I don't have it, I left it at home." so cute said through his tears!

Misery does Love its Company!

There are times in your life that you experience things that you want to tell every single person you come in contact with, but the reality is you cannot. For example, a momentous event such as you are in love, and maybe you just realized it. You may be able to tell your mom, and a few friends, but that friend that has been wanting to fall in love for years and never seems to be able to, you cannot tell her.

Or say you got the perfect job and some of your friends hate theirs, they are doing nothing that they went to school for. You cannot be too excited when you tell them, if you care about their feelings at all.

Or maybe you are trying to get fit. You are working out and eating right, no diets or gimmicks. You have lost some weight, but every single person that you want to tell, has not had the same success as you. You want to shout it from the roof tops, but really most people would just hate you and not want to talk to you. It would be counter productive. I felt that way today, for a week I have worked out and ate reasonably well and I have lost three pounds, but today I did not feel as though I could tell anyone because I did not want to be pushing it in their faces.

The reality is that most people are not happy for you when your life is going well, or maybe even one area is going well. They do not want to hear it, if their life is not. It is true misery does love company.

Sorry to be cynical, but their are a few people that will be happy regardless, and these people care more about you than they do about themselves! These people are real treasures, keep em close!

Hey, I travel.

One night I am in New York working in a diner and living in an apartment that could be infested with who knows what.

Then I am in California watching a guy that makes his rounds to many different girls, and they all know about it.

After that I hit up Hawaii where crime fighting is ruthless. I enjoy going to the Hamptons to visit some spiteful people and watch them self-destruct.

I like the weather in Ohio and man they have some talent, signing dancing, acting.

I told my mom, "In one night I am in New York, California and Hawaii, hey, I travel."

If you have not caught on I am discussing TV shows. Going to New York in 2 Broke Girls. Watching a guy swoon girls in California is with the Bachelor. In Hawaii I see 5-0 and in the Hamptons a girl is getting Revenge. In Ohio the Glee club is present and accounting for.

I go all over the world with Pan Am and see exotic places in Survivor and Amazing Race. If I was a recluse and did not want to get off of my couch I would say that is good enough. Getting a second hand view of someone else's ohhh and ahhhh moment.

I desire to have my own ohhh and ahhh moments that are not contingent on someone else's experience. I want to see the majesty in the Taj Mahal, I want to see the blue ocean in contrast to the white houses in Greece. I want to experience the hustle and bustle of Africa.

I want to do and experience first hand, not through second rate, oops I got my finger in that, picture.

25 facts.

1. I love trivia, Trivial Pursuit, Jeopardy, love it all.

2. I have a favorite wood pile, it is on the way to my grandma's and for some reason it brings me joy.

3. I know how to knit, sew, and crochet.

4. I love Bob Harper.

5. I am a huge Green Bay Packers fan, Aaron Rogers, Clay Matthews, I am available.

6. I hum a lot, when I eat, when I am bored and I generally do not notice it.

7. Like #5 I love watching football. My favorite: go to church and then grab lunch and bring it home to watch football. AMAZING!

8.I lived in Ecuador for 8 months and never ate their delicacy, qui, roasted guinea pig, I regret it.

9. I love movies that do not have a happy ending because it reminds me that life is not a fairy tale.

10. I really enjoy sad songs. I feel as though they are very real and relateable.

11. I love Canada. I miss it all the time. I lived there for 5 years.

12.I really enjoy sushi and was just informed by The Biggest Loser that it is not very healthy.

13. I love to dance and wish that I would have taken lessons when I was younger.

14. My favorite movie is Charlie/Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, both of them.

15. I love WoodChuck beer, it is the only kind I can stand.

16.I was the first to graduate from University on my Dad's side of the family.

17. I love the first snow fall of the year.

18. My favorite food is Mexican.

19. I watch about 15 different TV shows, it is ridiculous I know.

20. I love laughing it is my favorite thing to do.

21. I adore vintage one of a kind articles of clothing.

22. My favorite animals are penguins, owls, and giraffes.

23. Christmas time is one of my favorites of the year.

24. I love to talk!

25. I love teaching and being around little kids, they make me laugh so much, see #20!

One Door Closes, Hopefully One Opens!

So I found out that I did not get to the next stage of interviewing for Teach For America. I feel as though I am disappointed. I have a lot to offer, but I also had this feeling from the beginning in the way back of my mind that I would not get it. It was a weird tug-of-war. But now I know that I will not be apart of Teach For America. So now what...

I was kind of hoping that I would get into Teach For America because my next two years would be planned for me, but I guess God has other plans. I think he might want me to have to work a bit to find employment, or he wants to surprise me with something even better. I think he will show up in a way that I didn't expect because I had to trust, it wasn't just given to me.

But I am sitting here maybe 20 minutes after I found out that I did not make it into Teach For America and I have already started thinking of what I am going to do. I have begun to search for jobs in different locations, quite blindly I might add.

I am going to work at becoming certified in Illinois and then we shall see from there. I will have a provisional certificate for 2 years so that will for sure help with employment, but I feel as though I am back where I was when I graduated form University. No prospects. But hopefully something will come up and hopefully it will be perfect, maybe not forever, but at least for now.

Once Upon a Time filming in Fort Langley, BC Canada

I was so pleased to see Fort Langley, where I enjoyed coffee and boutiques for the last five years, on one of my new favorite shows Once Upon a Time. I love Fort Langley, it is so cute and small and lovely. I miss it greatly. If you ever have a chance to go to British Columbia, you have to visit Ft. Langley. (many shows and movies are filmed there).

Funny moment.

I was working at Family Video last night and I was taking a customer to the bathroom to unlock it for them. I am so used to saying Have a good night, when I hand customers their movies. When I was leaving him at the bathroom I began to say Have a go...and finished with ood time. I could hear him laughing and another customer was nearby and he started laughing. I didn't know how to rewind and take back the beginning of what I said that I just changed it a bit. I walked back the counter laughing and told my fellow employees they were laughing.

When the customer left he did inform me that he had a good time.

It reminded me of the comedian Bryan Regan, when he talks about going out to eat and the waitress saying have a good meal and you replying with you too. Funny.

"The first guy through the wall always gets bloody."

I was watching Moneyball, I got to watch it before it came out because of Family Video. It was a good movie, but one quote that stuck out to me was when Brad Pitt's character is talking with another owner he says you are getting beat up out there, but the first guy through the wall always gets bloody. It took me a bit to understand it. But it is so profoundly true.

Anyone who is a pioneer in anything gets banged up, because they figured it out. Other people know it is right, but were not the ones to come up with it. Or did not have the guts to say so. Pioneers are rare because it takes something that most of us do not have balls, And I am not meaning that it has to be a man, but the figurative balls. Courage. Most of us do not have it, or at least do not embrace it in every area of our lives. If we did then these moments would not be rare. If we did then who would follow, or maybe no one would need to because the world would be right. The world is not right so therefore we need courage. We need confidence in ourselves. Eventually everyone sees it is right and follows through the wall. They are successful too and then it is an afterthought.

Courage is something that I wish I had more of. I wish I could be someone that had my morals on my sleeve all the time. I do sometimes, but then other times I find that I am exhausted by it. Some might say that maybe I am in the wrong way of life, wrong friends, wrong job yada yada yada. But if I was always with the right friends, right job, right yada yada yada then I wouldn't need courage at all. Something to think about.

The first person through the wall always gets bloody.

Hopes for the New Year

So it is 2012 which means that it is a new year and I am looking forward to certain aspects of 2012.

First I am very excited for the Olympics. I always have them on the tele (being British) for the duration of the games. I love London (though I have never been there). Michael Phelps will return with his friend (I assume) Ryan Lockte who is so very attractive. Gymnastics is just amazing. The national pride is palpable. It is just great!

I am also turning 25, quarter of a century, which I am not looking forward to as much. I have 2 months until that looming day and I am not sure how I feel about it, or how I should feel about it. I am getting older which can have its advantages, but at the same time I am not someone who likes change or is okay with things never being the same again. 25 is a big number, not as big as 30, but still I am not longer in my early twenties I will be in my mid twenties. I still cannot believe that I am this old, I do not feel it.

I am hoping to have a full time teaching job and living on my own. Working under another teacher is nice, but there are times that I am second guessed or I do not do things as she would do them. I am ready to not have people questioning me. I know it will happen with administration, but hopefully not with my peers and also I hope that my work will speak for itself. fingers crossed this one comes true.

I want to visit some of my friends. I would like to make it to Colorado to visit a friend and also back to Washington and Canada to visit all my university friends. I miss my friends so much. And I really do miss Canada. It was a great place to live and the people were my favorite.

I want to follow my heart and passions. I have opportunities that pass by me that tug at my heart and I let them go. I do not want to be held back or feel as though I do not deserve it. I have a tendency to not give myself credit. I am quite amazing. I am worth it all, and I can have it all. Sometimes I might need to fight for it or find it.

I hope that 2012 leads me down paths that are different and maybe not foreseen, but worth the while. I do not want to merely go through this year as I did with others and live, but that I thrive. That life is not something to be taken for granted. I want to love 2012.

the new year.

I just realized it has been a little while since I posted. I will say I have been busy. Since the new year has started I have been asked what I am going to do next year. Am I going to apply for teacher jobs, am I going to stay here, or move. And once again I have the answer I don't know. I mean I sometimes wish that life could just stop for a minute for me to catch up. I thought that living at home would be relaxing, and it is don't get me wrong, but I thought I would have time to get ready for the next stage in my life and I cannot say that I have had a lot of time to think about it. Or maybe I have not been using the little time that I have to actually think about it.

I just do not know what I want to do and am kind of lazy. Is It okay to not know? but I don't think it is okay to be lazy. Welp we shall see.

One thing that I did do for the future was apply for Teach For America. I am really hoping that I could get this opportunity. I would love to be able to have my own classroom, live on my own, but almost like with training wheels, simply because I have a guaranteed job. Well hopefully I will know in a month or so.

Kids have been so rowdy this week, the first week back since break. One day, the same wardrobe, I was told I looked like a sailor, and a police officer. I was told I sounded like Justin Bieber. One boy said the B word, which just sent be over the edge. (he was not calling anyone one, he just said it). I laughed so hard, but then had to make sure that he knew it was not okay, he is 3. Crazy.