A change in mindset can alter your reality.

Life is very interesting. Things seem to happen at just the right time. Like when they are meant to. I mean I could not have planned this. I wouldn't have planned this.

Before I said that I think this is my Babylon and I still feel that way. I do feel as though this is an inbetween and when God is ready He will bring me out of it. But about a week ago I had this crazy overwhelming feeling/realization. I was driving to do a spa party about 40 minutes away and all of a sudden I was struck by how blessed I am. It was a very supernatural thing, I cannot explain it (all the good God moments are). The tears were brimming, I mean on the flood gates. And I couldn't let them fall because I needed to not look tear streaked. But I was seriously overcome with how God has blessed me, has my life been perfect, no. Have I always loved where I am  or who I am (have you read this blog, then you know that is a no) But as they say hindsight is 20/20. And as I look back over my 27 years I see God's hand. I see that he has led me, not allowed me to make too bad of decisions that could have forever affected my life. He was truly like a Father, guiding me, letting me make some of my own decisions, even if they may be bad ones, so that I can learn. I had many times I could have made bad choices, but I always had this voice in my head, steering me. I began to think about where I am as well and that I am blessed to be able to come home, to live in a house where unconditional love is shown at its best. I have a job, that is not stressful, I have a business that I can do on my own time. His plan is always perfect and you never realize it until you have come through it.

Over this past week I have had this change in mindset. I need to be setting roots. I have a desire to begin to plant myself. I am being here, I am ready to make here work and not to be constantly thinking of this as temporary. I mean it has been almost 4 years. But I feel as though if we always think of where we are as temporary then we can miss out on what is here, because we are here for a reason. Stop looking to the future, it has no answers for you. Stop thinking about oh I can do this when this happens. Or when I finally get rid of my debt then I can truly ___________. Or when I _________  then I can ____________. Because God does not call those that have it all together and appear to be perfect. He calls those that he can mold, that he can speak to, that are available and soft hearted. Those people are usually the people that don't have it all together. They are the ones merely hanging on.

It is really funny how a change in mindset can alter your reality. Nothing else has changed, same job, same people, same, same, same but because my outlook has changed, everything has changed. My small little town doesn't look too bad. It is filled with some great people and opportunities right outside my door.

(Now do not hold this against me when my next blog post is about something negative. You sometimes see the worst sides of me. You are not always seeing the steady Erica, but the bipolar Erica, (not literally). You see when my mood/mindset swings, that is not always my reality, but it does creep in)

I am in my Babylon, are you?

                                                         Quote Cred Loubis and Champagne

So if you read my post from last night, late last night. You would know that I am not particularly fond of the Jeremiah 29:11 verse. I feel as though it is over used.

So you would probably think it strange then that that is where I found myself today when I decided to open my Bible at my new clean kitchen table.  I am not sure why but opening my Bible in my lap on my couch is just not as appealing as on a table. Weird I know. Anyway. I read the entire chapter of Jeremiah 29 and I was amazed.

It is Jeremiah writing a letter to the Israelites that are now in exile in Babylon. He is giving them a message from God. Now I feel as though we read past the exile part, but man I cannot imagine being uprooted and governed by someone else. Not easy and then on top of that feeling as though God has let this happen to you.

In the letter Jeremiah is telling them that God wants them to continue to live, continue to have babies, the same amount, not less. (this is a paraphrase of course, but this is basically what was said) He goes on to say that God will rescue them but not for 70 years. Then Jeremiah 29:11 comes up, to remind them that God has a plan. He has your back and wants what is best for you, not harmful things, but great things.

This hit me because I feel as though I am in my Babylon right now. Please hear me, I am not at all equating where I am in life to the Jews being in exile, I know they are not the same thing. But it kind of is. We each have our hard times, just because they are not as hard as someone else's does not negate them. They are still hard. And thinking of how other's may have it worse does not help. It may put it into perspective but it's not going to remove your hardships.

But let me get back on track. I am in my Babylon and God is saying to me keep living. Do not shut down and simply wait. Settle in and enjoy your time, be prosperous and do not live less than you would somewhere else. Because you aren't somewhere else. And always remember that God has a plan. To prosper you and not to harm you. He does have your back, but that doesn't mean it will be easy. He loved his Son and Jesus had no cake walk, so do not think you will either.

If you are in a similar place as me, where you just do not feel like you are where you are meant to be or doing what you are meant to be doing rest assured that this could be your Babylon and you to continue striving not merely surviving. Until God takes you somewhere else and your plan will continue. And your Babylon is in your plan.

Follow your dreams, not someone else's

   Free People Photo Cred.

I'm in one of those states again. Where I feel like people are moving forward without me. Its too late at night and I cannot sleep because for 1. I am thinking about all the things I need to do, pay money to so many people and then oh there goes my check, thinking about the debt that I have how it is seriously a weight. No joke that makes me not sleep. ( I am usually really good about it but sometimes it creeps up) and 2. I am thinking about how I am  still not quite where I feel like I am suppose to be.

I have this feeling like I went backwards in life. When people are suppose to be go out into the world and making their mark, I moved home and this is where I rot (just kidding only kind of) When I tell people I live with my mom and the reasons for why I live with my mom  (its cheap, I cannot afford to live on my own with this student loan debt) Most people respond with an accepting nod and say something to the effect of "that is really smart" But why do I feel like underneath they are thinking wow what a loser. And I know what you are thinking. "Why do you care what people think? You need to do what is good for you."

Man that is so much easier said than done.

And seriously most of the time I am good with my situation. It's just these moments when the human side of me takes over and I am crippled in, I am not sure what it is, what the proper word would be. But I cannot get out of it unless I do this, write it out. OR talk to someone about it. Which I am doing both as we speak.

And I truly believe that God has a plan for me, cue the always memorable Jeremiah verse, that makes me gage when I hear it. But I do with all of my being know that He has something in store for me. And maybe this time is suppose to be spent preparing me, getting rid of my debt and being in a place where I am kind of alone. As the person said that I am talking to, you are moving forward too, in removing your debt.

I feel deeply. And I am feeling deeply at this moment. The future hasn't even happened, is a long way off and I am focused on it, worried on it. And that is nonsense. Because there is nothing I can do about it. I can only cling to the one who can do something about it. He knows what I need more than I do and maybe this time in my life is suppose to humble me, who knows, but what I do know is that he hears me, he loves me, and he has my back. He wants what is best for me. And I need to dwell on that. (Whoa I just reread that and it totally sounded like a rap) (you just did it right?)

I feel as though I have been desiring a lot of other people's paths. I hear their story and it might sound like mine or just sound interesting and I want it as my own. It is almost like I don't want my own path, or maybe subconsciously I don't want to wait or go through the work/pain that my own path might require of me, so I almost want to steal someone else's life. I want their blog life, getting paid to blog, what that's crazy. Or I want your crazy business venture that you started in your garage, okay Amazon, Toms, and Method. Or I want that insane Idea that can make me money and save the world. Branded together. Or I want the missionary life of feeling called to an area and just doing it. Kisses with Kate. And I need to remember that their paths came with hardship and pain too. It is not always the smiles you see in the photos. We rarely instagram the crappy moments in our life.

I don't seem to want to dream up my own path. But maybe that is what this time is about. Stop reading about others' successes and start dreaming up your own.

Audrey.buzznet Photo Cred.