Reinforcements Were A Success

She loved the Starbucks, I think I am back in her good graces, at least for another week.

Reinforcements...Starbucks

Today was my first day back with my FA. It went really well. I am not sure I have actually reined them in, or for some reason they were really good that day. All I know is that they listened, and everything that I wanted them to do they did. I was sitting there wondering where did my class go, I mean for real they were angels. I was very excited. I did not even think that the lesson was that exhilarating, but they seemed to be engaged the whole time and genuinely interested in what I was teaching. It was the first time that I have had that feeling, of accomplishment. Where I actually felt like I was a teacher, I could od this. Then I find out that I need to make sure that I am in good graces with my teacher, and I was thinking am I not, I thought I was. And FA said that he received an observation that she did on me, and it was mostly all negative. I was surprised to see that, because we talk about all the observations that she does and yes there were things that I need to work on, but there is always something positive. So I was quite shocked. Well I guess it is time to pull out the Starbucks!

OOPS!!

I think I was caught talking about my SA, which is not good. We were not saying anything bad, but it was the abrupt halt of a conversation when she walked in. And I think that she might have thought something was up.

Once Again...

So on November 4 I taught again and my teacher observed it, and it wasn’t the greatest once again. I did some things good, but on the whole they were not paying attention, they were having their own side conversations and they were being disrespectful not only to me, but to their peers. My SA gave me some really good strategies to use, she made sure to encourage me along with criticizing me. I knew I had a lot to learn, but I at least felt like I could do it.

Breath of Fresh Air

So after that bad day, I went to Trinity because I needed to hand in an assignment. I saw that one of my professors was there, who is my favorite professor that I have ever had. So I stopped in and chatted with her. She was so encouraging it was unbelievable. She pretty much said that my FA and SA could be wrong and my negative tone, that I will be a fabulous teacher and she had never doubted that. She said that I am a delight and I am special and different. I am not like everyone else, I am unique. And I will bring that with me into teaching. She gave me hope, I believe that she was sent from Him at the very moment, because he knew, he knew I needed someone to build me up. I was defeated with teaching. Teaching had won and I was sitting there done. She came in and said what is true, she spoke truth back into my life where it had been trampled over.

Not My Day

I found it hard to take criticism today. I am not feeling very good about my abilities after my chat with my FA. I do not feel as though I am a good teacher. I have only questioned this profession choice once in all my 23 years, but I find myself questioning it way more today. I don’t know what I am doing. I feel as though I am in way over my head. I do not feel confident anymore. I thought that I was doing way better on my tone, which now I have a new tone to work on, no longer is it my negative tone, it is now my productive tone. There is only so much I feel as though I can take and I think right now I am pretty close to it. I thought that I was connecting with the students and what not, but then everything goes out the window. I told so many people that my students were good when my FA was there, but not today. They were not good at all.