I got asked this question this week from a friend who recently moved back to town. She had been living in Chicago and before that Colorado. So living in towns that are lively and bustling. Now she finds herself back in the town she grew up in. The town most of us cannot wait to get out of when we graduate college. The town we see as failing. We may even begin to see ourselves the same way if we find ourselves back in it.
I am not sure if everyone feels this way when they graduate high school, the feeling of getting out and making it on your own. Getting as far from your hometown as possible. I know I did. I literally moved to South America, I mean I could have gotten farther away but that is still pretty far. Then I moved to West Coast Canada to get my undergrad. Still pretty far from my Midwest hometown. A good 30 hours to be exact.
I wouldn't have had it any other way, well I would have loved to not rack up all the student loan debt but that is another thing entirely.
When my friend asked me this question this week. "How did you get over staying here?" I knew she was asking honestly. She knew this was not not where I envisioned my life being. She knew a lot of my story. And I knew she didn't want a flippant answer. Her life has recently turned upside down and she, as I did, sees her life pointing to staying in her hometown for the foreseeable future.
At first I did give a little humor. I told her well I wasn't planning on this being a long term gig, but here we are 9 years later. I then told her that the years just kept going by. After the mild humor I decided to be real honest. For the first few years that I lived back home I didn't do much besides work. I hung with friends of course, but because I saw it as temporary I did not really invest. I did not get involved. I was waiting for the next big thing to come my way, the next big move. I thought it would be more difficult for me to leave if I became invested and involved. Well 3 or 4 years later I was challenged to set down roots. This person told me that no matter how long you decide to stay somewhere you should invest, you should get involved. It makes it all that much more worth it. It also made it easier for me to get over staying.
So as I sit here and contemplate my last 9 years living back at home, the place I never thought I would return to for an extended period of time, I am grateful to have invested and gotten involved in the city and lives around me.
My advice to my friend, invest and get involved. Give yourself some grace, because you are doing the best you can for right now. And sometimes our soul needs HOME. It needs familiarity, when the rest of our world is unfamiliar. We may need to surround ourselves with things that are known while we charter this very unknown time, on top of everything else 2020 has thrown our way.
Returning home is not failing. Returning home is not a cop out. Sometimes it is the smartest choice we can make for ourselves while our world is getting pieced back together.
For those after college or whenever you may find yourself unsure of what is next and feeling as though returning home is where you are headed. Remember it doesn't have to be forever and it is never as bad as you are thinking it is. You are probably the only one thinking those negative perceptions others may have of you.
Home may be just what you need.