Does anyone else ever have this feeling that you are too old to still have some of the same insecurities that you had when you were say 18, or 15, okay lets be honest 10, when I first starting making friends?
Is it just me or when these reoccurring, reminders that I am not perfect and have many flaws make an appearance I immediately start to do some self shaming. Such as why do I continue to feel this way, or I thought I was over this. Or seriously Erica again.
Surprise but these shaming tactics do not help to get rid of the already crappy things I am feeling.
I could be alone in this, but I doubt that I am. And it is encouraging to me, to know that I am not alone. But I will say that these insecurities, that I have dealt with since I became aware that I could think on my own, do not show themselves as frequently as they used to. That is a blessing, truly.
But I was once told that your insecurities are apart of you, they make you approachable, relatable and in a sense human. God does not want you to be anyone else than who you are, He may transform your insecurities at some point but you will never be without them completely because they are apart of you. This revolutionized how I approached them, instead of asking to be rid of them, I was praying for ways to be able to live with them. To be introspective and steer away from circumstances that I knew would bring those feelings on.
Life is not a destination, it is a process of learning how to be a better you, not completely change you. Embrace some of the things that you do not like about yourself. Mine happen to be how I think. Why my mind will go a certain direction. I cannot stand it and it bugs me so much. I know it is our sinful nature and that I should not indulge, but to me it is simply frustrating.
I know who I am, and it is a pretty fantastic person...but when I have these thoughts they bring me back to a person that I do not particularly like. A person that is selfish, self-pitying, and a victim.
It is a constant struggle between what I know to be true and the destructive thoughts that Satan is so good at feeding me. But they do remind me that I am human, I have not figured it all out yet. I am not perfect. I have not arrived. But they are not who I am, they are my past, and I have learned to talk about them. That is why I get on here. I already feel better. Thanks Blogsphere.