Home at Last-

Well I have made it home. It took three and a half days. We went through Yellowstone National Park, Mount Rushmore, and even stopped at Wall Drug. My friend I drove with got pulled over about an hour and half from home, opps. He got a speeding ticket.

It feels odd to be home and know that this is where I could be for a while, unless something else changes. I went to the dentist today, it has been a year and a half since I was last there and my dental hygienist was asking me a lot of questions about loans and financial aid. I realized that I am getting older. I know this is not something revolutionary to realize, but throughout this last year while I was teaching I felt as though I was not old enough to be doing this. I kept thinking , I am months away from being a certified teacher and I do not feel as though I am old enough to be responsible for children. Let me try and explain it a bit better. I know that I am now 24 years old and have 2 degrees, but I still feel as though I am a child, with a bit more life experience and debt.

I am not sure if this is something that most college grads go through, maybe if I was married or getting married and starting a family I might feel as though I am the right age, but I am a college grad that has chosen to move home to save money and rest a bit, I have a lot of debt, but I am not factoring anyone in. I am still quite selfish in my decision making, because I can be. That is maybe why I still feel like a child, because yes, I can make wiser decisions, but they still only revolve around me. (yes they affect others, but no one is having to make these decisions with me).

I have a steady job for the summer working at a daycare/school that is attached to a church. It is a great place to work. It is quite small and I have worked there for a few years now and I know everyone and feel comfortable. I went in yesterday to say hello and find out anything that I need to do before I start next week and was informed that I could possibly have a full time job in the fall. The only catch is that I am not teaching grade school kids, I would be teaching 2 year olds. That is right 2 year olds. It really isn't teaching it is more like babysitting, but I guess I cannot be picky, I would still be working with kids. But is any experience really good experience? We will have to see.

until then...

Worry/the future

I was contacted a couple of days ago by a friend that I have known for a few years now. He read my blog and emailed me a question that I have been thinking about for a while now. He related to the idea of risks that I had talked about in my blog and asked if I was really taking a risk next year (well a little more tactfully then that). It was nice to have someone pretty much call me out on it. I had to think about it.

Before when I was deciding on staying home, it had a little bit to do with running from risk. But now I can say that this next year is about me being prepared for the next risk that life has for me. I have been taking risks for the past 6 years and am ready to be in a place where I can safely take risks (kind of an oxymoron). I can focus on some of the avenues that I think God has been preparing me for. I use to wonder why I had the childhood I had, but now I know it is to talk with other girls with similar backgrounds. That is what I hope to do this summer and next year. oh yeah and I plan to teach.

I have been reminded lately of how much money and worry can control you. If I have something on my mind I cannot get to sleep, I can lose my appetite, and actually start to feel sick, all because I am concerned about something that I have no control over. It is really crazy how our lives can be altered so much because of how much we fear the unknown. Worry will control you because you feel as though you are not in control. (which really we are not in control ever). My mother told me the other day when I was allowing worry to take over, "that money is just money. Everything will work out and at the end of the day, money is just money." It was nice to have that reminder. She always knows how to defuse me and always has exactly the right words. I do not know how she does it, but she has talked me down from many an uprising. I love her so, and this is quite appropriate, seeing as it was mother's day yesterday. I have truly been blessed.

the last few days

So I have started my 2 week course on teaching social studies. It is for 3 1/2 hours 4 nights a week. It hasn't actually been that bad. Time does seem to fly.

I found a few new blogs that I quite enjoy about teaching.

http://twowritingteachers.wordpress.com/quotations/

http://blog.mrmeyer.com/

So I had to find a quite a few weeks ago that I wanted to use during my education graduation ceremony. Let me tell you it took a long time to find one, and I just needed to finally pick one. It was quite anticlimactic at the ceremony, people were walking in front of it and you couldn't even read it but the quote I chose was a quote from Mark Twain. I found that I loved his quotes.

“20 years from now you will be disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the one’s you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover” ~ Mark Twain.

I found this to be quite true and I hoped when I chose this quote that my life would be marked by catching the wind in my sails and not always playing it safe.

here are some other Mark Twain quotes.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

All right, then, I'll go to hell.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Read more:http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/mark_twain.html#ixzz1LRzsFAR4

Graduation

So graduation has come and gone. It was quite bittersweet, because yes I am done (but I still have 2 weeks of classes) and also in two weeks I will be leaving somewhere that I am not sure I will be coming back to. I have lived here for 5 years of my life and I found myself thinking yesterday, that I did not want to leave. It is gorgeous out here and I am not simply meaning the landscape because it is pretty but it pales in comparison to the people that I have had the privelege of knowing here.

There are some friends that I have known for years. My roommate from my first and second year and I live with her now as well. I know that we will continue to be friends even if we do not talk a lot. We have this way of making up for lost time very quickly. But there are friends that I have just become close with this year and I am very sad to have to cut these friendships short. I know I do not actually have to do that, but I am terrible at keeping in touch. I know some of my roommates have created a blog to keep in contact with eachother. Maybe I will do the same.

Life

it never stops...just when you want to cherish the moment it reminds you that it is never through. Endings are inevitable, beginnings are just around the corner. and I cannot do a thing about it. Sometimes I want to stop it all, crawl into a comfortable postion and let life happen. But I cannot, Life also reminds you to keep living it.

I will miss this place, I have 2 weeks left to enjoy it, take it all in and before you or I know it. This stage of my life will be over and the next one is quite foggy at best.

Faith

Its what I need for the next journey, because it is what got me through this one.

Until then...