MEXICO! WEDDING!

Just got back from my brother's wedding in Mexico. I have been looking forward to this for almost a year. It was beautiful, the ocean was amazing, I have always been fond of the ocean. It is quite tranquil, it is almost like no matter what is going on it doesn't matter when I am standing in front of the repetitious ebb and flow of water that never ends. It has the calming effect and at the same time it scares me. I cannot comprehend it, I cannot see the end of it, what is underneath it is unknown to me.

It brings life into perspective, reminds me that I am small and quite insignificant, but I am also quite powerful.

I love weddings, when the bride walks down the isle I take a quick glance at the bride and then switch my gaze to the groom and watch his reaction. I end up looking back and forth between the bride and the groom. I find that grooms change when their bride is walking toward them. Their whole demeanor changes. They become soft and gentle and the love that is in their eyes is one that I cannot match or put words too. But I will try. It is like you are coming face to face with everything that you long for. It is all right in front of you and it will be yours, all yours, forever.

Weddings are beautiful to me, they are full of bliss, love, encouragement, laughter, memories. I have been to two weddings in the last week and one of them I was in which was hard to watch the groom, but my brother is smitten. He starts tearing up at just the mention of the love that they share. I adore their relationship. I long for something of that caliber when I get married. Even to just feel that for a moment would be worth it.

I was watching on Grey's Anatomy and the writers for the show always have great monologues. This one really struck me.

Meredith: There is a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasnt because I thought I would be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone. Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it. What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is, death ends. This? It could go on forever . .

Read more: http://www.tvfanatic.com/quotes/shows/greys-anatomy/#ixzz1QFEM4Ruw

I am not in a relationship, I am in some ways alone. and I do feel this way a lot of the time. that I do not know if I could be vulnerable enough to let someone in the way what I would need to for a healthy relationship. I have been on my own for so long that I wonder if I can do this with someone else so close all the time. And what if it did fall apart? Would I be able to handle it. But then again I do not want to leave in fear. Not doing certain things because of what might happen, if I did that I should just sit at home all of the time and not do anything.

Love is everything, not the cliched love, but the all consuming, putting others first, not selfish, Action not only emotion. It is what makes our world go round and what allows poets to write and artists to create, it is what passion comes out of and our souls yearn for. Love is all around us.