rattled.

I think that things happen in your life that make you realize that no matter how much you try you will never do everything perfect. Even if you do not actually do anything wrong, you may not have done it exactly right. Or at least not how someone needed/desired for you to do it. These situations bring on humility and maybe a little anger. You have been trying to be LOVE, embody it as much as possible, then for some reason you miss something so rudimentary that it angers you. How could you miss that one simple way to show someone love. It rattles you because everything that you have tried to be can seem to be whipped away in one simple mistake. I do not like to let people down, miss an opportunity to be there for someone.

I experienced this recently. Someone I know is going through a very difficult time and I failed to acknowledge it. I merely swept it under the rug like it wasn't there. I mean I had reasons for not doing so. But in her eyes I did not care. That simple of a conversation and I look different in her eyes. Even when I do reach out it has strings attached to it, in her eyes. I cannot erase it and it is hard for me. Everything that I feel like I have tried to be is in a way jeopardized.

Then I realize that some of this is selfish thinking...

I know it might not be this extreme, but this is kind of how I work. I can have the tendency to polarize things. I am also very emotional and very empathetic. So this combination just screams rational thought all of the time.

A little window into my mind.