Get your focus off of yourself.

So as I have mentioned before I am beginning to work with the youth at our church. I feel as though I should have started this awhile ago, but there is a right timing for everything.

I was recently asked by one of them what was a struggle that I had and how did I over come it?

It is quite a common question that younger people will ask older people. Give me your advice. Maybe it will work for me.

So I made sure to say to her that I will let you know when I have over come it. But what has changed everything for me was when I stopped thinking of myself.

I feel as though in life we are very self centered. I know what you are thinking, seriously Erica, tell me something I don't know. Or are you trying to be facetious.

What I mean by that is that even in our relationship with God, when we are trying to think of Him, When we want (I believe) what He wants for us. We want to be rid of the things that hinder us. But for some reason it is still there. The insecurity, the struggle whatever it is, it is still there. And then we get frustrated because it doesn't go away. And then that can effect how we see God.

If you wonder if you are one of these people, think about what you spend the majority of your time praying for. Is it praising God, and praying for others? Or is it solely on you. Now I am not saying that it is wrong to pray for yourself, but when that is all you are praying for, then you may be focusing a little too much on your own problems.

I have found that actually when I get the focus off of myself that is when, either things are put into the right perspective, or I learn a little more about God's heart and it just seems to transform my own.

I mean think about it. When I used to have bad headaches. It consumed me. It is was all I could think about it. If pain reliever or taking a nap did not rid me of it (which a nap never did, it made it worse) Then I learned that if I chatted to my mom or brother about life or went to a group (in university) and just listened or watched a tv show or something. It would usually go away, because I stopped focusing on it. Now that may not be a great analogy, but it works.

A few of my struggles when I was young (lets be real it is still a struggle, I do not think we are completely rid of these things, we just learn what is important and how to not allow yourself to go there) needing attention from others to make myself feel valuable, not feeling like I am enough, truly not thinking I was beautiful when I looked in the mirror. No joke I did not usually like what I saw. My prayers were always, God help me to see me the way you do. I do not feel as though my intentions were wrong, but I think my focus was wrong. I wanted God to fix something inside me, just by magic or something. I do believe that God is all-powerful and can do anything. But I think He wants us to get to know Him more, to take our focus off of ourselves. When we do that we are bombarded by His goodness, His is love that we do not deserve at all. When we come into contact with how little we are and we are loved more than we could know. It kind of makes some of our issues and struggles seem small in comparison to Him and what He does for us.

So I challenge you that if you are struggling with something and all you want is to be rid of it, try delving into God. Reading and truly taking Him in. pick a topic or a book of the Bible or a book study and dive in. When praying, praise Him, take a moment to really concentrate on who you are talking to. Do not rush into His presence. So stop focusing on you and take time to think of others and God. Maybe get involved in something, volunteer. It can help take the focus off of you too (I am still working on this too, it is a journey)

I almost do not recognize the person writing this.

SO life.

It is constantly changing, constantly throwing curve balls. You are forced to constantly be flexible and adjust. You have to.  You have to take the good with the bad. Enjoy having something awesome happen and then the next second something terrible happens. You have to be flexible and adjust. Or you let it over take you.

My best friend, I feel weird saying best friend when I am my age but she is my go to person and so that I think makes her my best friend, left this morning to go back to Romania. The first time she did this in March was very difficult for me. She was, as I said back then, my only friend. I felt as though I did not have any other friends. Now to be fair, I did not have another friend that I could go to all the time, but I have come to realize that she can still be my go to. Over those past few months that she was gone, she was still my go to person. Distance does not change that.

But I realized over those months that I do have friends. They may not be the friends that I call at the last moment to do something, I may need to be a little more proactive in hang outs, but I do have friends. Did I miss my friend yes, Did I sit at home for days on end thinking "Whoa is me, my friend left?" No, okay not days on end, but maybe a weekend night here or there.

When she first left, it was also hard because I felt as though I was being left behind. That she was moving on in her life and I was left here, stuck in mine. But that also has changed. I think I felt that way because I truly wasn't doing much with my life. Now do not get me wrong, I was still being productive and building relationships, but I think I was wasting some of my precious time. And I also think that I had a bad attitude about where my life was anyway, but when she was here we were in the same boat. But when she left I felt stuck. But of course I would feel that way, I felt stuck before she left, but she was there with me, so we were "stuck" together, but when she left then I really left it.

Since then I have realized that I am here for a reason, I am not moving anytime soon, so I need to start to get involved and develop roots here. So my mindset toward my life has changed in the few months that she has been gone. So I do not feel left, I feel as though I have the privilege of staying. (Would I love to go, YES, if you have read this blog for any period of time you know I love to travel, but there are beautiful people and things that I can do here, and should do here) I am more focused on here and now, than on the future (but do not get me wrong the future is still one of my struggles).

I also realized in the time that she was gone, that I did survive. When she was in the process of leaving I kept saying, "What am I going to do?" That was a common thought in my mind. But I did do a lot. And I have learned that people will come and go, physically and emotionally. But that does not have to change everything. It will be hard, but it shouldn't rock you completely. But also I built friendships, I made plans, I lived and in some ways thrived. Life still goes on.

But one thing that I realized in this last month with having her back is that yes life was great when she was gone, but life is just a little better when she is here. I did just fine without her. I can live without her. We can live without many people that we think we cannot. But it's more about the fact that I do not necessarily want to. I do not want to live without these people. I do think that these people can become security blankets and maybe God is taking them (physically, emotionally) away from you, so that you can rely more on Him than on them. Maybe He needs to do the same thing for them that He is doing for you. People should not and cannot take the place of God. They will never match up. They will let us down from time to time, we are human. But God will not let us down.

Since living at home, my main people have left. The ones that I go to for everything have left. It started when I first moved back and then God brought someone else into my life. Now it is happening here and I wonder who God will be bringing into my life this year. These people that I have always gone to are not being replaced by any means. They are being added to. The two people mentioned above are still my go to people, just miles separate us, so physically being together is tough, but they are still there to listen to me and my issues. Which they may have received a late night phone call or two.

Perspective is truly everything. I know people joke about glass half empty or half full. But truly your perspective on your situation is everything. It can change everything, while actually changing nothing.

I almost do not recognize the person writing this. So much has changed in 4 months. While so much has really stayed the same. But I see it completely different.

Random side note. It is still very sad that she is leaving. I am listening to One Direction while I write this and it almost brings me to tears. I will miss her very much do not get me wrong. But I do know I can survive, even thrive if she is not here, but that makes the time when she is here, even sweeter.

Be careful to not put people in the place of God. They are not meant to be there. It is not really fair to them and then when they do let you down or fail you in some way it will shatter you more than it should. Or when they move it will be devastating because you have built them up to be everything. Or you could be this for someone, they could be putting you on a pedestal, be a good example, but also encourage them to not do this because when you do let them down and you will, it could affect them greatly.

Mo money, Mo problems

I have asked for God to stretch me I belive He has been doing that. As mentioned before I had some minor health issues come yo. I have mostly healed from those, but still trust God that it is all healing correctly. That is everything is good. Bit one thing I knew was coming, and dreading were the bills that would come after the fact. They never tell you how much it is going to cost, its like a sneak attack. But I had to go, and now I have to pay for it. I do have insurance, but really that means. Nothing. My insurance is so bad. Let's be real my insurance is really me trusting God that the money will come from somewhere to help cover the costs. I only really have catastrophe insurance. This was not a catastrophe. I am paying for it.

So before I dealt with trusting God with my health and I am being asked to trust Him financially. I have been doing this for many years. But I think this is the big one. I truly do not know how this one is going to happen. I have 3 bills coming my way. I have received one of them and my health savings account will cover that one. So that is good. God prepared me a bit for some of this and I was able to put some money away for it. But the next one is my big one. And I thought this first would be my cheap one and it was not as cheap as I thought it was going to be. So I am kinda scared to see what my next one is going to look like. And my last one is from an urgent care and who knows what those cost. This is where I need to trust. I had no choice but to go to the doctor and God will have a way for me to pay for it. It could be done in a variety of ways. Who am I to name them, He works in mysterious ways.

As I write this I cannot sleep becuase I cannot stop my mind. My mind is running through all of the scenarios. I write this because truly this is how I have to get it out. If I do not write this I will continue to mull over what is ahead of me.

I also do not always think that we need more money to solve these problems either. Yes we could try and do a few things to create a little more income to help with these unexpected bills. But I find that truly mo money means mo problems. Because I find that when I have more money I do not use it wisely. I do not save, or give or use it where it is needed. I end up eating out more or buying more things because I know I have the extra money. So yes I have been asking God to create little opportunities for me to make a little extra money, but nothing extravagent. (side note, with my network marketing company I found that I was making a lot of extra money, but not using it wisely. I have no idea where that extra money went to, so I am working on trying to use the little money that I do have wisely, i.e. budgeting correctly, before I add extra money to it. Becasue if you cannot use the little money you have wisely, then how are you thinking you are going to use more money wisely, you will not. More money does not erase bad habits, I have been learning.)

I have been reminding myself of these truths to help calm my mind and my heart and allow myself to have peace.

God is good.
This has been a reaccuring theme in my life. Regardless of my circumstances that does not change the fact that God is good.

God is powerful and is bigger than any problem that I have.

God has my back and wants what is best for me.
This reasures me that anything that comes my way, God is there, working it for my good.

God loves me more than I could ever know.
This is the truth. His affections for me are beyond my comprehension and I need to rest in that when the world seems to be against me or crashing in around me or getting smaller and feeling as though they are crushing me. He loves me with a love that does not alter, or change. And because of that I am able to feel freer, because the weight of pleasing Him, or the pressure of consequences is removed. That is not how He works.

These are the truths that I repeat to myself when I begin to stress about life. Whatever that may be. Money problems, health problems, satan attacking my spirit and feeding me lies about myself (that I am not good enough, that I am second best, that people like her/him better than me etc.) These are the truth those things are not. Remember that today when life doesn't seem to go your way or when the weight of living is a lot, hard to carry at times. He is there. He has you and He loves you.

Favorite animal, color, aspect of nature, GO.

So while I was in Haiti and we were at the resort at the end of our trip there were about 7 of us in the pool around 8, it was dark, but the pool has some pretty cool lights.We were hanging out in the shallow area. Just laying/sitting and enjoying each others' company. One of the leaders with Next Step Ministries did this crazy psychological thing. I swear she was in my mind, and past and my future. She told us a lot about ourselves just by asking us our favorite animal, color, and aspect of nature. She was pretty spot on.

This led me to think about my favorite aspect of nature. The Ocean. It has been coming up in different areas of my life. The reason I like the ocean so much is because it is beautiful for one duh. The blue is so blue. But still there are so many different colors of blue represented. It is hard to tell where it ends and the sky begins. The sound of the waves is soothing, but at the same time harsh. It has this juxtaposition of rocking you like your mother used to, but then also this powerfulness, that can knock you over, that accompanies it.

When I was reading and going through my Crazy Love devotional they asked what helps to bring you to the place of seeing God as powerful, and mighty, seeing Him more as how He should be seen instead of what we have created Him to be. My answer was the Ocean. Standing in front of it remind me that I am quite small. Quite insignificant. It puts me in my place.

In life we can start to think we are hot shots. We are known in our town, our job, our church, our gym. People know us by name. We have ____ likes on Instagram, We have ____ followers on Instagram/Twitter and do not even get me started on how many friends we have on Facebook. We are kinda a big deal. People want to know us. But why not we are pretty cool. But the reality is we are one of seven billion. And standing in front of the ocean reminds me that I am actually quite small. That this world that I am in all the time (my job, my city, my church, where I am known) is actually really small and if my "world" is small then I am even smaller.

The ocean is what brings me back. It is what bursts my bubble if you will. But the great thing is, while it may be reminding me that I am small, and insignificant it is also reminding me that God is powerful, huge, beautiful, and will be praised. And to Him I am significant. He knows my name, He knows my lying and my waking. (Psalm 139). I may be insignificant in this world, but to Him who is everything I am significant.

The waves and the shore also remind me of our hearts and God. The shore a seemingly unmovable object. But the waves just keep coming at the shore, never stopping. Constantly beckoning us, knocking on our hearts. Breaking us down until we are fine sand, able to be moved by his waves. Until bits of the shore are taking with the waves each time, tossed about and moved where the waves would have them, until whole parts of the shore are gone and taken to sea to be used elsewhere, deposited elsewhere.

Now I am being asked to physically trust Him.

So I am not a horribly paranoid person.

Some might call this being paranoid but I call it being smart and aware. It may be because I have watched too many scary movies. But I make sure to check my back seat before I get in it. Smart right. That's what I thought.

One area that I can be paranoid with though is my health. I have never really had any major health concerns. But recently I had an infection. I do not take infections lightly. I know that if it is hot and red and hurts that is bad. I am practically a doctor I watch Greys. I finally went in and they knew what it was right away. I had a cyst. I've never had one of these before. I had no idea what to expect. Well I had to come back in a few weeks to get it removed. It has been a week since I had it removed and it was not healing correctly. Remember what I said about being paranoid. Well cue that feeling right now.

Obviously I had been praying since then for healing, for instant, or correct healing. Whichever God's will would have it. I finally took the bandage off 5 days after the minor surgery and it looked really bad. I immediately started to freak out. I know in my mind that it will all work out. I do know that. I know that God has me. But my emotions were in response to why can't it just heal. Why can't it just be better. You might think, Erica this is not a big deal, which yes in the grand scheme of life not a big deal.

But right now it is all I can see. But I can't even walk right, it is in my inner thigh and I was not blessed with that mythical thing called a thigh gap, so it hurts. And really it hurts all the time. It's not just a nice thing sitting there that I can forget about. It is constantly reminding me that it is here. It is constantly beckoning me to not forget.  To remember it. I am trying to trust God that everything will be fine. But as I said it keeps reminding me it's there. It's like that struggle that you want to forget. But it won't let you. It's got such a grip. I broke down a few times the day this happened. Out of frustration and wondering if it's alright. It was hard and it is hard. I also can't stop checking it. My mom gave me a goal of not looking at it for 6 hours. I lasted an hour. But I was reminded that God is greater, He is bigger than my struggles and my issues, my health concerns.

That's what is also hard I want it to be fixed, healed. Not tomorrow, today. But I need to remember that things take time. As with anything in life. It usually is not an instantaneous thing. But we want it to be, But God does not work in time. He is outside of it. Orchestrating his plan. Days, months, years, mean nothing. The process of us becoming more like Him, of Him stripping us down so that He is truly everything. So that the relationship is simple. That is what matters. The process is what matters, the time it takes for that to happen, is not what matters.

As I was going through this I also asked people to pray for me. I do not do this very often. But I am finding that prayer is powerful, and it is necessary. We should be reaching out for people to pray for us. And I found that with each person that I asked, the lighter the load felt. I am not alone in this. Not just because I know God is always with me, but I have people that He has put into my life. It is a reminder to me that God is here always, even if everyone left me, He would never leave me. The load is always lighter when shared.

I have to continue to trust. This has been my word lately. Trust or faith. I keep seeing it everywhere and I am continually reminded of it. It's not easy. But this is what is required of us. To believe even if we cannot see. I am worried about this incision. And I am having to continually speak truth to myself that God knows. He loves me. And I need to trust Him in this area of my life. I have been growing in trusting Him with emotional issues. That has been the majority of my struggles, emotional ones.  Now I am being asked to physically trust Him. With my body, my health. In some ways I find this to be more difficult, but that could just be because I am going through it right now. So it is all I can see. It has consumed me. But I was talking with someone recently who has had some major health concerns, and she agreed. Health rocks you when you do not have it. But I am reminding myself that even if my health fades, God is still good. He still loves me. Conditions on earth are not a representation of God's affection toward me (that is a whole other blog post)

Some verses that have helped me through Joshua 1:9. It was my verse of the day and one of my friends also mentioned it to me, which was funny because it had been helping me a ton too. God is with us every step of the way. We have no reason to fear. We need to be strong and courageous, this doesn't just mean doing risky things, but also trusting when things are hard.

Another is Philippians 4:6-7. to not be anxious about anything but in everything give thanks to Him,. and make your requests known to Him.

Remember that whatever is happening to you, God is still good. He is still who He says He is. Continue to remind yourself of that when things are not going well. God's love for you goes beyond comprehension. It is Crazy (cue Francis Chan plug, crazy love is a great book).

Search me, and know my heart !

We all know that God knows everything right. Can we agree on that? Even the stuff that we try to hide, the stuff that we wish no one knew, He knows. Those selfish motives that push us to do things, well He knows those too.

So then why do we ask Him to know us? If He already knows everything why in Psalm 139 does David ask God to know Him.

In the beginning of that chapter, David starts out with saying what I just said. God already knows us.

"O Lord, you have searched me and you know me"

Then David goes into all the ways that God knows him.

but then at the end, He asks God to know him, to test Him, to remove those things that are not right within him. Why does David do this if God already knows.

Well let me ask you something. If someone just read your diary, or journal (I know diaries are for girls, right). How would you feel? You would feel violated, hurt. You may feel emotionally naked. They would know too much about you. And most of all, the reason it would hurt so much is because they didn't even ask. They did it behind your back.

But if you were to tell them these things, share these secrets with them then you would not feel violated. Or if you gave them your diary and told them to read it. You gave them permission to know the deep parts of you. You chose to confide in them.

Yes, God knows everything. But isn't it different if you choose to let Him in. Don't you think that He wants you to want Him to know everything. Not just Him knowing it by default.

It's like when you do something wrong and your parents or friends find out and they wait for you to tell them what you did instead of them bringing it up. Yes they already have the information, but it means more if you confess it, or you divulge the information. It is you taking responsibility. It is you letting them in, not them letting themselves in.

You invite them.

God wants us to want Him. Does He need it, I would say no. But He wants it. Just like we, humans, want to be wanted or needed. Take that feeling and multiply it by too much to count and that is what God is feeling. He created us, He loves us more than anything we can ever imagine. He wants us to invite Him in. To take up residence in us.

You know how it feels when someone says to you, I've never told anyone this before. Or this is the first time I think I have said this out loud. You feel very honored that they would confide in you, that they would let you into those deep places within themselves. You feel very special. You know they must feel very highly of you to share their deepest thoughts. You don't take it lightly. It is fragile. You take this knowledge very carefully. As to let them know, this is a big deal and I know that. I will do my best to not let you down. But you might, you are human.

I imagine that this is how God feels when we invite Him in. Like a proud parent. But a major difference here (and there are a lot of differences) If you invite Jesus in He will never let you down. He Can't. He would be going against his very nature, He would be a contradiction. Therefore He is faithful, He never changes, The same today, yesterday, tomorrow. Hebrews 13:8 reminds us of this.

The one who knows it all, wants you to want Him. He wants to be invited in. It is a level of intimacy that is beautiful. He doesn't just want to know it, He wants you to want Him to know it. So share it, there is nothing you can say that will make Him love you less, there is nothing that you have done that will change how He feels about you. There is nothing in your heart or in your thoughts that will make your path change, He knows it all already. Invite Him in.

Remember He is not a desperate being, He is powerful and will be worshipped. But He wants you to realize your need for Him.

Be Bold enough to pray Psalm 139 and believe it in Faith and see what happens.


You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
¹⁷ How precious to me are your thoughts,^[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
¹⁸ Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

¹⁹ If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
²⁰ They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.
²¹ Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
²² I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.
²³ Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴ See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

Transitions are necessary, they tell us where we are going.

So when I graduated from university (I know really Erica, UNIVERISTY... hop off it, HA It's what they say in Canada, and I haven't quite lost it, nor do I want to, it makes me sound distinguished, HA) I had planned to spend a little time at home. I had been away from home for basically 6 years only coming back for Christmas and summer. I wanted to be closer to my family, be able to see them when I wanted to, not when I was home for a visit. I wanted to be able to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. (this is a big deal because if you did not know Canada does not have the same Thanksgiving as us, theirs is in the beginning of October, Harvest time, or our Columbus Day) My school did have an American Thanksgiving dinner that you could pay to go to and I did for two years, it was good, but just not the same as grandma's house. I only planned on staying home for a year or two and then I would be on my next adventure. Ya see ever since I graduated high school I had been living far away having adventures. I went to Ecuador for a year and then to Canada for 5. So I was used to traveling and being on my own and seeing new places. I developed a travel itch and it needs to be scratched every so often.

So I had planned on staying home for only a couple of years. Home was to be a transition period. I saw this period as getting rid of some student loan debt and basically just living for a few years. I did not think that I should be planting any roots because what was the point I was going to be gone in a year or 2.

Well that year or two has turned into 4 and most likely 5. I realized that this could still be a transition period no matter the length of the stay. But that I should start planting roots. Because no matter if it is a transition time or not it shouldn't be viewed as wasted time, or lesser. God still has you here. He still has a plan and you still have things that you need to be doing here, now. Not in a year or two when you go somewhere else. I need to start getting involved in things here and building relationships here because where I am, you got it, here. I cannot start to build a life in the future in a different place, because once again that is not my reality. This is and I need to be seeing it as just as valuable as any other period of time. 

So last November I was asked to be on our Missions Team. It is a few year commitment but right now, I do not have a plan for the future. Right now this is my future, for now at least. I am working toward helping out with our youth, which I probably should have been doing a while ago, but I thought why start when I am going to be leaving so soon. (HA hindsight, ain't it something.) I am going to be taking the membership class at our church, which has been a long time coming. My mom has been asking for awhile, but as said before I thought why do that when I am going to be leaving.

Now transitions are necessary in life. Not just in life but in writing. We use transition words to guide readers along our train of thought. It is a clue as to our next point or a new direction our paper is going into. Think of that as life. And our transitions are God's way of directing us to another point or to a new phase of life. These transitions in a paper can be as simple as a word-- next, therefore, after. Or they can be a whole other idea that needs to be explored. Same in life. A transition could be as simple as quitting a job and getting a new one, or day to day decisions. But it could also be an extended period of time where God is getting us ready for what is to come. He is preparing us for the next phase. But this transition time is probably more important than the actual next phase, because this is where God is molding us and forming us into the person that is ready for that next phase.

Seeing a transition period as a waste can be a very destructive mindset.  Continually waiting for the next best thing to come along. Planning and planning for that next best thing. Essentially wasting the gift that God has given us, the gift of every single day that we wake up and take in breath. Missing opportunities now to grow, in knowledge, in faith. Missing doing his work and being apart of something bigger than us. I am reminded of a quote by Jim Elliot who was a missionary to the indigenous people in Ecuador and was actually killed by those very people he was trying to witness to.



Throughout the Bible God calls us to be in the moment. In Matthew chapter 6 He talks about worrying about tomorrow, or worrying about having what you need.  (get ready for my paraphrase) "Isn't the lily clothed beautifully, doesn't your Father in Heaven love you more than a flower, then how much more will He give to you." Or the idea that today has enough worry in and of itself. Do not take some from tomorrow and add it to today. (another awesome paraphrase) But the idea is there. Live in today. God knows what you need. He will provide it.

I need to pay student loan debt. It is not a secret. God of course knows. When I first came home from school I did not have a job in the fall. I did some looking but nothing came up. I had a week before I was essentially not going to have a job. But I was not worried, because I knew that God knew I had to pay off loans. Well that same week he brought a full time teaching aid position into my life. Sometimes I think we feel as though we have to plan it out. We are afraid that God will not show up, our faith and trust is very little. So we make sure we have a job or ___________. Basically not giving God a chance to wow us. Do not get me wrong I do not think we have the ability to change His plans. But we could be wowed by Him. Really see Him move and grow in our Trust. (that is for another time.)