Reality vs. My Ideas-Haiti part 3

So I grew up in youth group. We did so many different object lessons, or burning of different things, or sharing of different things, nailing different things. All these things were meant to be an act of removing something from your life that is hindering you from a closer walk with Christ. They were always powerful and always had an impact on me. I guess in some ways I am a visual, tactile learner.  So whenever I saw the cross up front or the burn barrel or whatever up there I would get a little excited. But at the same time. When I walked in and saw that I knew that it was about to get real in this room. We were about to, if you allowed yourself, do some soul searching and ask/answer some tough questions. These questions are the questions that most of avoid. We do not want to go into the deep caverns of our heart because we are afraid of what might be pulled out. We know we can be pretty horrible people at times, or all the time, but we do not want to be face to face with that side of us. We do a pretty good job of trying to cover that stuff up so that no one else will know. I think this may also be why I love these nights so much. It forces me to get real. It forces me to take off my masks and really examine myself.

So imagine me in my late twenty self when I enter the room to sing worship songs and watch our video for the night and there is a cross sitting up front. (ok I already knew we were going to be nailing something to the cross, but seeing it in the flesh, or whatever the object word for flesh is, meant even more) I got very excited. I think what I like about these events so much is that I am able to visually see these sins, or struggles or things that I know I shouldn't be doing or seeing, or being apart of, I can see them being taken from me, I am literally taking them to the cross. Surrendering them to Him, the only one that can change it, renew it, make it new. 

So we were meant to nail something to the cross that is keeping us from fully following God. It could be many different things. For me I was thinking of things that are keeping me from fully being faithful, or fully using my faith. The one that I nailed to the cross is my idea of how life should be for me right now. How at my age, in society, I should be so many different things, but I am not, and I wonder why I am not. For example I feel as though I should be married, I should know what I want to do with my life. I should know my purpose, or my role I should.... Fill in the the blanks. but the reality is those things are not my reality so I need to live in the now and stop thinking that life is going to be different right now. It's not. 

I need to stop putting the world's expectations of what a twenty-something should be or should be doing. What they should have accomplished by a certain age. Let's be real here. When I was in high school I thought I would be married by 25 and have a few kids by 30. Well that is not my reality. That did not happen. But that was my plan. That is not his plan. But also did you hear anything about God in my plan. No. Because I did not factor him into my plan. 

I feel as though when we have been told to have a plan, a five year plan, since we were young. We always ask kids, what they want to do or be when they grow up. We are always talking about where we are going and yes I think it is important to have goals and be future minded. But I think we need to be asking people what they are doing now. How they are now, what they are learning now. 

Because I  do not know if it is just me But I do not have a five year plan. The only thing on it would be to pay off student loan debt and become closer to Jesus. Because of Haiti I have a renewed sense of just get to know Him and draw closer to Him. Everything else will become less important. (more on this later) 

Excerpt from my journal 

God I pray that you will do what needs to be done with me so that I am one with you. Bring me back to this page when I start to complain about my trials, to this week, where we have learned to rejoice in our trials.