Egress-the act of exiting: I was reminded this week of the things I don't have, the things that truly matter. Haiti days 7, 8, 9

Day 7
Last day here.

I worked on the mountain again. I did dishes again as well.

Then I had a great conversation with a few of the ladies. It was amazing. These women are beautiful testaments of strong godly women. They follow the Lord's leading and it was amazing to talk with them.

I did ask if they needed to learn English, but even more than that I learned how this woman got to be with the organization that we were with and how she got with Haiti. One of the best pieces of advice she gave me that someone else had given her was that you need to take any opportunity no matter how small, because its all toward Jesus.

Is missions my future, if it is you heard it here first! ha.

(Switch)
Another thing that I learned while talking with the two women mentioned above is that I think I create feelings for guys that are not actually there. Let me explain further. If I am comfortable with that person, attracted to that person, can be myself with that person I think I construe that to mean that I must like them. Because for all of those things to add up it is kind of rare. But it really confuses things, because I truly feel as though I have feelings for them, but I do not really even know them. Maybe it is the whole idea of infatuation. Who knows.

I can also tell that the kids know we are leaving soon. Musline is very attached to me. Very affectionate and cuddly. Which is not the norm for her. But I very much enjoyed it, She completely has my heart. I have been thinking of her often since I have been back.

Day 8
I did not sleep well last night. It was hotter than usual and my mind wouldn't stop. I got out of bed around 5:30am.

We got ready to go, packed up and were waiting by the Tap Tap. The kids sang to us and it I was trying to keep my composure but it was difficult. Saying goodbye was difficult. Charlie, a boy who I just learned the name of a few days ago, was saying I will never forget you. I could not take this, it was impossible to stop myself was losing it.

The Tap Tap drive was much more packed, but much smoother. We finally got to the resort and it was beautiful. It is crazy to think that this place is in the same place as all of that poverty. For some it was very difficult to be there after just having been where we were. They said it felt wrong in way, which is completely understandable. I was alright with it. Here me out before you make your judgments. This was a perfect place for me to reflect on the week. It was crazy relaxing and a good way to unwind. It was also a good way to transition back to my life. Not that I am saying I wanted to completely go back to how my life was, but the reality is we are going back. I am a changed person now and how do I go back to where everything else is the same as I left it but me?

Day 9
This trip has taught me that I have a lot, not just in things but in life. I have a mother that loves me truly unconditionally. I have friends that challenge me, trust me, and love me. I have a roof over my head that is not going anywhere and if it does I have insurance to get it back for me. I have a job that provides for me. I have, I have, I have. I could go on forever with the I haves. But I was truly struck by the have nots. I do not have true hope, hope in my future, in my God. I do not have true joy. Joy that is not shaken by small inconsistencies in life but is stable in the one constant in life. I do not have an attitude of living in the present. These children were not thinking months in advance, they were focused on the here and now. I am always looking to the weekend, or the end of the year or the next exciting thing I have to do.

I am blessed beyond believe with what I have. But I was thoroughly reminded this week of the things I don't have, the things that truly matter in life. The intangible things that make a difference in the type of person you will be, how you will be seen, where you will end up.