emotions they get the best of you

Now onto my emotional life.
I didn't think that coming home would be very difficult. I thought I would reconnect with old friends and just in some ways fall back into the familiarity of home. But it has not been that easy. I find it difficult to find a place, to find friends, and to be comfortable.

I go to church and it is hard for me because these people do not really know me. (that I give them the chance). I try to reconnect with friends and it feels like an uphill battle. I am the only one that pursues anything, which can get really tiring.

I made friends thousands of miles away, that is where all of my friends are and I thought that coming home I would have a plethora of friends to choose from, but that just isn't the case.  I actually do not really have any. I mean okay a have a couple but none that I want to call and share my ups and downs will on a regular basis.

This is hard for me because I have always had a lot of people around me. I have always had that one person that I can call day or night no matter the time. This is a stretching time for me.

I think that is some of what the issue is, in university I had people around all the time. Walk down the hall and you have people. Being at home I do not have that. I have to learn to be okay with being alone. But when I am alone I begin to think, which isn't bad in and of it self, but it ends up being turned into something ugly. My mind will wander and then I am crying because I don't have any friends, Ha. I laugh but seriously I am writing this blog post. I am an emotional person, I feel things deeply. I analyze things greatly. But I only wish to make myself better.

One kind of sad note that I realized, if I were to get married right now I do not know who my maid of honor would be, I do not have a sister, I do not have a best girl friend. I guess then I am thankful for not getting married right now.