I have been in Haiti for two weeks now. And for some odd
reason it still feels like I am only here for a short term trip, which I know I
kind of still am only here for a short time. The sweat is a very real thing. Very real. All
the time real. But it rains most nights, so that cools it down. I am learning
Creole which has been helpful, but there are still some people who insist on
speaking to me in Creole and I am usually lost, but they are extremely gracious
and kind.
The last post was one where I was not confident in this
speaking role. I cannot say that I am overly confident now, but I can say that
God has continued to speak through me every single night. I practice my talks
numerous times but right before I go up and speak I still feel like I have no
idea what the flow is of my talk. When we are singing the worship songs in the
beginning I often wonder, God what am I talking about again, what is the
sequence of my words. And every time without fail He comes through and speaks
through me. Every time my talk is also a little different which I like, because
then I know that the Spirit is taking it. It is not memorized. But the same
ideas are there every time. I am still
not the most confident, I still wonder if God got it right. If I am really the
one that He chose to do this role, but here I am, here, speaking almost every
night. Leading this staff of people the best way possible. All with His
strength and wisdom.
God has continually been surprising me. When I get annoyed
with someone or think they aren’t pulling their weight they do something that
changes my negative thoughts about them. It is almost like God is reminding me
that they are useful and productive even if it is not always in the way that I
want them to be.
It is truly hard to put into words what these few weeks have
been like. I have, we have, had to be very flexible. Haiti is very much run on
its own timetable. It is rare for things to actually be on time. So I am having to continually roll with it
and make decisions on the fly that I feel are best. I take input from the staff
if I can and see what they think, because truly more thoughts are better than
just my own. But then I have to make the decision, that is not my favorite part
about being the leader.
I have been pretty good at delegating which I thought was
going to be difficult. The responsibilities of this role scared me a lot but He
has been faithful and has made me capable. I do not feel like I am in over my
head at all. I have one teammate who has
become almost like my assistant for lack of a better word. She knows pretty
well that when the leader says something it is not always received very well so
she takes it on herself to call people out, in a loving way, and to help out in
those areas. I am extremely grateful for her and truly believe that one reason
God has placed her here is for that. But
also many other reasons. She connects with the children at the orphanage in a
way that is truly beautiful. (Oh and by the way I have realized that I use the
word truly a lot, I was doing one of my talks and I noticed I was saying it all
the time.)
I am learning a lot. I am learning how to be a selfless
leader. I am continuing to learn when it is necessary to call people out and
keep them accountable and when it is just necessary to take it, grin and bear
it for lack of a better term.
The road has been a huge inconvenience. But also a huge
blessing. It has allowed the groups to get out of the orphanage and truly,
there it is again, be among the community they are serving in. They have been
working alongside the Haitians to rebuild this road and it has been beautiful
to watch. To see them playing games with the village children or try and chat
with the adult villagers has been refreshing and has inspired me to step out of
my comfort zone. To not worry so much about the work, but about the
relationships, because that is what this is all about. The relationships.
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