And there it is again

Does anyone else ever have this feeling that you are too old to still have some of the same insecurities that you had when you were say 18, or 15, okay lets be honest 10, when I first starting making friends?

Is it just me or when these reoccurring, reminders that I am not perfect and have many flaws make an appearance I immediately start to do some self shaming. Such as why do I continue to feel this way, or I thought I was over this. Or seriously Erica again.

Surprise but these shaming tactics do not help to get rid of the already crappy things I am feeling.

I could be alone in this, but I doubt that I am. And it is encouraging to me, to know that I am not alone. But I will say that these insecurities, that I have dealt with since I became aware that I could think on my own,  do not show themselves as frequently as they used to. That is a blessing, truly.

But I was once told that your insecurities are apart of you, they make you approachable, relatable and in a sense human. God does not want you to be anyone else than who you are, He may transform your insecurities at some point but you will never be without them completely because they are apart of you. This revolutionized how I approached them, instead of asking to be rid of them, I was praying for ways to be able to live with them. To be introspective and steer away from circumstances that I knew would bring those feelings on.

Life is not a destination, it is a process of learning how to be a better you, not completely change you. Embrace some of the things that you do not like about yourself. Mine happen to be how I think. Why my mind will go a certain direction. I cannot stand it and it bugs me so much. I know it is our sinful nature and that I should not indulge, but to me it is simply frustrating.

I know who I am, and it is a pretty fantastic person...but when I have these thoughts they bring me back to a person that I do not particularly like. A person that is selfish, self-pitying, and a victim.

It is a constant struggle between what I know to be true and the destructive thoughts that Satan is so good at feeding me. But they do remind me that I am human, I have not figured it all out yet. I am not perfect. I have not arrived. But they are not who I am, they are my past, and I have learned to talk about them. That is why I get on here. I already feel better. Thanks Blogsphere.

 

Cheers to that!

Wow it has been a little while.
I have had a few new additions to my life. No I am not talking about kids. Let's clarify that rumor right now. I began a side business.

I began selling Arbonne. If you do not know what Arbonne is it is a skincare, makeup, bodycare, and nutrition company that follows high standards for their products. It has been going well. With anything you do or risks you take, of course you will have hesitation or moments when you completely question everything. But I do believe that I am suppose to be doing this.

Arbonne has meet a lot of the needs that I have been thinking about. I am able to help women with their outsides. I am creating relationships with these women. I will hopefully have a team and then I can mentor them just as the person above me is mentoring me. I love to recommend good products to people. So to summarize. Check, Check, Check. It is meeting a lot of these needs that I feel as though I am missing.

I also have joined the mission team at my church which is pretty sweet. This is satisfying the major helping others desire that I have. I may not be the one that is doing the mission work yet, but until that point I am having a hand in those that are on the mission field right now. I went to my first meeting and it is nice to be around people of a different age demographic, of course that was a nice way of saying older than I am, did you catch that). And somehow I am going to be the secretary for this next year, how did that happen.

I am really excited to see where Arbonne takes me. I am taking each day, each spa party at a time and simply seeing what God wants to do with it. I took a step, a risk and am taking it a step at a time.

Sometimes I feel as though we need to slow down, take a step back to truly see what we are suppose to do. I had to simplify my life a bit, take a step back and really think about what you like, what you are good at or what you are missing and try to find things that meet those needs, or stay open to opportunities that could meet those needs. Arbonne from the outside does not look like it would meet any of my needs except financially, but on the inside it meets almost all of the them.

I am beginning to be myself again, the last two years really took a toll on me. To Cheers to that.

10 things I have learned in my twenties.

Here is a list of some of the things that I have learned over the years and that I think all twenty something's should figure out in their twenties.

1. You need to have a night time routine. You are not 12 anymore and your face goes through a lot in a day and you need to take a bit of time to clear those pores. You could maybe take a break for a night, but get right back to it. Your skin will thank you. Oh you have to make sure you moisturize. Your skin is losing its elasticity, and if you keep it moisturized then wrinkles will have no wear to plant themselves. I heard recently that you should start doing anti-aging skin care when you turn 20. So better get to it. Now please do not just use any old skin care products, you would not eat garbage so stop putting it on your skin where it soaks into your blood stream in about 25 seconds. It matters what you put on your face and body. A shameless plug, Arbonne seriously has some great products that do not test on animals, have no parabens, their standards are European, which is crazy because America lets so many harmful ingredients into their products. Shameless plug over.

2.Start saving some money. Just put some money away from every paycheck. You will thank yourself when your car breaks down and you do not need to use your credit card, but money from your savings. It could also come in handy to do some of those things you really want to do, travel, concert, adventure, but are a twentysomething and do not make a lot of money. But what you thought ahead and saved money. You are so smart. There are a lot of good plans on Pinterest.  Check them out.

3. Begin to workout regularly. Spend a lot of time trying new things and figure out the one thing that you could keep doing. May it be Pilates, yoga, running, going to the gym. What ever it is, find it and do it 3 times a week. I love to crossfit, I know, I know its the new craze. But I have been doing it for almost 10 months and that is the longest I have ever done a workout program. I can work on skills, it is very individualized even though you work out in a group. It is so encouraging. I love it. Go try it once, or go for a session. I loved it the first time, but I can see why many people might not. So give it a few times.

4. Create a list of things you know you do not want to do. You do not need to have everything figured out in your twenties, but try a lot of different things and start making a list of the things you do not want to do. So maybe you can start narrowing the search down to what you want to do. If you have read this blog once you probably know that I am not sure what I should be doing. But I am trying some different things to narrow down what I may or may not want to do. At least you will meet some new people, make some connections and maybe through those connections you will find what you are suppose to do.

5. Surround yourself will great people. As you know I teach and I am constantly talking to my students about making good friends. I am trying to get them to realize that the company you keep affects the person you are. "You are the company you keep." If you want to be a positive person, someone that everyone wants to be around, or simply a good person, then surround yourself with those people. Unless you like being miserable then surround yourself with people that are pessimistic and angry all the time. See what life will be like then.

6. Find some good hobbies. You need to have something that you can talk to people about. This will show that you are growing up and maturing. Finding things that you are interested in also can open you up to new friend groups. There is nothing worse than when someone asks what you like to do in your spare time and you say, "I hangout with my friends and watch TV." You know those people but you also know those people who light up when they get to talk about something they are passionate about. Be that person. I am still trying to find hobbies. I really like talking about Crossfit, which for some people is a huge turn off because then it reminds them of what they are not doing. Sorry, I'm kind of not sorry.

7. Make Goals. Life can start to snowball in a way when you begin to work the 9-5. Days go by so quick, weeks, then months and Whoa its a new year. So one of my friends has done this for years, She does a certain number of things before her next birthday, sometimes they carry over, but its a good way to be working towards something and trying to have new experiences. You are not in high school or university anymore and new experiences are not around every corner, you need to create them. For example this weekend I went to a trampoline park. Never thought I would do it, but it was really fun. We were the oldest people there without kids, but you just gotta get over it. So have things to live for, and work towards otherwise life flashes by, no joke.

8. Travel. Doing this when you are young is key. Especially if you do not have a family. You can still stand to stay in a cheap, semi-crappy hotel or stay on a friends couch without needed to recover for weeks afterward. You can also do far more walking and what not without completely throwing out your back. This is the time to travel cheap, but maybe not in style, but this is also the easy way to see a city as the locals do, cheap.

9. Enjoy doing things on your own. I am still learning this skill. I am not very comfortable yet with being by myself. Okay correction, I really enjoy it for a maybe an hour at the most Then I get bored and desire someone to talk to. I have eaten at a restaurant by myself, go to coffee shops by myself (obviously with a book or computer otherwise I feel weird), I can go for a walk by myself (even though I don't really do this often) But the truth is in your life the one person you can always count on is yourself, you can never be away from yourself, so you better start enjoying you and not being reliant on anyone else for entertainment. If you want to do it, do it. That is also a major turn on for men, just saying, that little tid bit is free, your welcome.

10. Last but not least, you can not please everyone. No matter what you do, you will never make everyone happy. Some people just might not like you and you need to be okay with that. Be as kind as you can, be the best you can. But it may not matter. I read a Bible verse recently that said, "as much as it depends on you live in peace with everyone." Romans 12:18. Even back then Paul knew that you cannot control other people. You have no say in what they think, how they feel or what they do. But you do have control over you, and do your best to be at peace with people. But if you cannot live in harmony with some of God's children, then shake it off (cue Taylor Swift) and move on. Most likely they are not close to you anyway, so their feelings towards you should not bother you for longer than a few days. (This is kind of hard for me, not because I care a crazy amount of what people think of me, but I am trying to live a life worthy of Christ, and my integrity means a lot to me, so it does affect me when someone contradicts what I am trying be, but I am working on it.) Most likely its not even you that they are offended or turned off by, it is something in them. Some people are never happy or always the victim, you can never win. Continue to be kind, but do not waste your time and energy worrying about it.

Things are looking up!

Picture found on crossingilandmono

So things are looking up.

I may have mentioned before that I am feeling a bit lost. (Ha that has been all this has been about)Now quite sure that I am doing what I should be doing. Well I have had a few things come into my life recently that I think may help me to figure out more about myself and be able to do some of those things that I enjoy.

First I went to an Arbonne party last week. Many of you may not know what Arbonne is. It is an organization that is shared through network marketing, it has skin care, make up, nutrition, body care, something for truly everyone.  yes similar to Mary Kay, but the product is of higher quality. (sorry Mary Kay) I never thought that I would be doing something like this. I feel weird even putting it out there that I am considering it. But my favorite job that I have had thus far was working at The Body Shop. Being able to help women and men find the products that were right for them. Help them to wear make up the correct way in order to make them feel more confident and better about themselves. I actually have been thinking that my dream job would be to have meetings with women, preferably middle aged, and help them, if they need it, with their fashion, hair and makeup to revive them in a way, I hope I am not offending anyone. But so many times I see women who are absolutely beautiful on the inside, and with a bit of help could build on that confidence with something new.

You may be thinking but that is superficial self-esteem, but I do not believe so. If I am wearing a new outfit that is a bit on the unique side, I wear that thing with so much confidence. It builds my confidence and makes me walk with my head held high. Do not get me wrong I am not some girl that has low self esteem and needs makeup to hide behind or clothes to make me feel good about myself. And to those that would think negatively about people that do feel that way, we all fake it till we make it right. But I truly think that my clothes, make up, and hair are a way for me to extend my personality and I can convey exactly the person that I want to be through every piece of my life. Some people may think that fashion is not important or that it is all a conspiracy, we wear what they want us to wear, but you tell me the shift in self esteem when someone is wearing something a bit out of their comfort zone, not too much out of it because then they may feel uncomfortable.

Wow if that is not a tangent then I do not know what is. I may also have talked in circles but welcome to my world.

Another thing that just happened which I am pretty excited about. I received a call last night from my mom's best friend. I thought she was calling to contact my mom, but nope she was calling me. She said that the mission's board at our church is looking for younger people to be apart of the team and my name came up. This is huge. I have a bad insecurity of not being thought of. It rears its ugly head every once in awhile. I do not deal with it that much anymore, but every once in a while it comes back. But here is an affirmation that I am thought of. Out of everyone in our church I was thought of, because I do value missions. I could possibly see myself living in a foreign country at some point in my life. So to be part of this team is amazing. I will be able to have a hand in missions even though it is not me directly being in a foreign place. This is almost like God saying to me "Until the time is right, I give you this." Well thank you. I needed this.

So I guess sometimes you just need to be patient. My whole life has not been decided. (of course not) I still do not have a good idea of direction, but I am going to take a step in the direction of Arbonne and the mission's team and we will see what happens.

Keep on keepin' on

Just Stop It!

I realized it has been over two weeks since I posted last and that is just unacceptable.

I have been very busy, and not in a good way.

I picked up a second job, cleaning. I realized that I do not like it. Now you may be thinking, "Well if you need the extra money, beggars can't be choosers." But I beg to differ. I have spent the last 2 years doing a job that I hated, because it paid well and was what I went to school for. It negatively affected my entire life no joke. So if you do not like a job you are doing, and it just does not seem worth it, then stop doing it. Seriously your happiness and well being in life is not worth the torture you are putting yourself through now.

I read this so much over those two years of, excuse my French But, hell. "You are young, stop doing a job that you hate." But it really is true. Just stop it.

I could not actually just quit my job as they commanded me to do, but now that I have left I am beginning to get back to normal, I am still not quite there yet. I have some residual affects. But I am getting there.

Anyways I have already given them my two weeks notice for cleaning. I am cleaning at my school and have been in discussion with them about my struggles with it. So it was not a surprise to them. They already know I am spoiled and entitled. ha ( I do not feel as though I really am) But I guess in many ways I am very human in that I want to make more money doing the least amount of work that I possibly can. But I know that is not actually realistic.

I was able to spend some time with a few of my friends this weekend that I am not able to see all that often. I came to realize that I love my friends. They are absolutely great people. I may be uncertain about a lot in my life right now but I am not uncertain about my friends. I was chatting with my college roommate and she gave me some encouraging words, she said that I was brave to be questioning my career path. I have never thought of it that way and I am very grateful for her words, I know they are from God because they are exactly what I needed. I have been feeling so lost and uncertain about my life, and her words transformed. I still feel lost but I also feel as though I am on the right bath, bravery is only necessary when there is risk involved and things that are worth having sometimes require a great deal of risk. I received a letter and postcard from other friends that are immensely encouraging. I realized this weekend, even though I've known it for a long time, that I have great friends. Maybe even the best friends that anyone could have. 

I guess my great friends are a testament to myself as well. Great people are not going to be friends with mediocre people. So I guess the fact that I have great friends, must mean I am pretty great too. So think about your friends and if they are as great as mine are, then you are pretty great as well.

Taylor Haugen Foundation-Football Cause

Photo by THF

New awesome cause to get involved with. My mother told me about this story she found in her Guideposts magazine. This high school boy had died while playing football. If you read my last post about Football you know that I very much enjoy it, okay that's an understatement. But anyways. My attention was completely gotten. So I inquired, how in the world did he die. I know that football is not the like table tennis in how safe it is, but it has come a long way from the leather wraps they used for helmets. She told me that the boy was hit in his abdomen and lacerated his liver and they could not fix it, so he died. WOW.

So the parents heard about this compression shirt that could have protected their son's midsection and also could have prevented his death. They have started a foundation in their sons name. Taylor Haugen Foundation.



This Evoshield shirt is the shirt they are trying to get into all high school football teams, so that this might not happen to other boys. High school is far too young to be losing a child while playing a game. If you would like to join in seeing this dream become a reality for these parents that have found a solution to a problem that should have already been in play please click on the foundation link to join in the cause.

Get your head in the game!

So if any of you know me at all and we get talking about sports, football and hockey mostly, I cannot shut up. I am a Green Bay Packers fan, now please do not close this window so soon, hear me out. I was born in Wisconsin and oh who cares, I do not have excuses they are a great team, with some great guys, I hope, and I just love them.

Now Hockey has not always been a favorite, but living in Canada for 5 years can turn you into a hockey fan. (I went to school in Canada) I was a horrible fan when I first started attending our university's, don't mock me saying university its just what they say, I would yell flying V, because hello I'm American and the only exposure most of us has had to hockey is all of the Mighty Ducks movies. I thought a power play was simply when one team was coming on strong the goal. (some of you might still think that is what a power play is) but truly hockey is awesome it is so fast paced and it can turn on you in a second. You think your team has it in the bag and then oh no the other team just scored 3 points and we lost. Now I am from Illinois so of course I am a Blackhawks fan. I was a fan of the Blackhawks before they won their first Stanley cup, but I will confess I have become a bigger fan since they won their last Stanley Cup. Wow I get off on tangents.

Anyway. Back to Football because that is the only sport that is important that is playing right now, sorry I'm not sorry Baseball (my Cubs are not in it anyway). And back to the whole reason for this post. I have done something that has created me to talk about football even more. I text my brother about it constantly, I tell whoever is listening about it, and I know they do not care. I look it up, and seriously, as my mom puts it, just stare at the screen, but really I am checking everything out.

I joined a Fantasy Football League.

I am not sure why I have not done this sooner. It could be because I knew what it would do to me, I'm already kind of obsessed, so now what am I, what word means more than obsessed, I cannot think of one. But I actually think it is because I did not have anyone asking me to join their team. Well this year I am in an all girls league, maybe a good way to start off. I absolutely love it. I am fixated it on it. Of course I had no idea what I was doing in my draft for players. I got a kicker in like the 4th round, thats a no-no, I did not know that. I got a defense practically right after that, also I have no clue what I am doing. I have a bunch of Wide Receivers I do not know, but hoping for the best. I ended up getting a B- from the fantasy experts or whoever for how I drafted, which I take as pretty good. That was practically the grade I got all through university, (side note, not sure why but I always want to capitalize University when I write it, see, I just did it, I think its because it sounds so much more proper, ha, a liberal arts education)

But anyways I won my first week and I was not suppose to, I am the underdog this next week too, Lets see if I can create an upset again? Fingers crossed.