The Reason Why...

So I have been thinking about why I have a lack of motivation in applying for teaching jobs. There are a few reason, such as, my scanner does not work and everything seems to need to be done electronically, there seem to be a ton of steps to applying so it takes forever to finish one application, There are not many jobs being offered thus I feel as though I am already doomed to fail.

But the one factor that makes it really hard for me to finish, or lets be honest, even start these applications is that I am worried that I will fail my students. Not that they will not pass, but that they will not leave with a desire to love learning. Or that they will still not believe in themselves. I realized while student teaching that as a teacher it is impossible to reach every one of your students because there were 28 of them and one of me. The odds were not in my favor. But I am not okay with that. I do not like that before the year even starts I already know that I will not be able to touch each one of their lives in some significant way. It is hard for me to start a task knowing before hand that I will not finish it well.

This may seem on one end to be idealistic or the other end to be cynical, but I guess it is hard for me to see it any other way. I know that I am a good teacher and that I will do great things but if I cannot be there for each one of my students it is hard for me to be okay with that.

I also found while student teaching that routine is very important, it creates stability, which these kids need. But I also found that I can become a robot simply following routine. That things became, at times, a little less exciting or meaningful. It was for that sake of the routine or the test or the learning outcomes, not for learning itself or wonder, or anything transcendent.

This is why it is hard for me to fill out job applications. Because I do not want to be a teacher that already sees failure before she even starts or becomes a victim to teaching to the test.

These are some things that I have noticed recently and would like to share. I have still not completed an application and know that these are simply excuses to keep me from my destiny or my greater purpose.

Funny Moment of the weekend.

I was in a used bookstore. I love used bookstores. They are a little overwhelming, but when I know what I am in there to find it is a bit easier. I went in in search of the first book in the Harry Potter series, because I actually have all of the others. I found it with ease and was checking out when the older gentlemen that owned the store said, "Did you know that you kind of remind me of the woman that is having issues with Rush Limbaugh."I was a little shocked because I do know what he is speaking of. This girl had said something to the effect that she would have sex for money or something of the sort and Rush said " you know what we call that, a slut." I was not sure how to take this statement by the man at the bookstore. It took me aback. Was it a compliment or simply an observation. And as I left I could not help but laugh. Very odd and entertaining!

birthday festives.

So I turned 25 this past week. I know there are some of you that think, "Wow 25 years young, oh to be 25 again." and others will think, " Man 25 years old, that is like 30, which is like 40, its getting old." Well I have always had an issue with age, getting older. The idea that some things will never be that same. So you can see that turning 25, which is a milestone, would potentially be hard for me. Now This particular year I actually happened to come down with the flu, so my birthday was pretty uneventful and I think also allowed for me to glide into 25 will ease and not much thought. Maybe in hindsight being sick was for a reason. I also made jokes that my body is deciding to shut down now that I am 25. It seems it is only going to get worse.

So for the weekend I had opportunity to go into Chicago and spend some time with a friend, but also my brother and sister-in-law. So I for sure did some things this weekend that either I secretly had been wanting to do, or have learned why I do not do it. So firstly, I get into Chicago around 9 and eat some dinner and my friends apartment. Then her, her friend, and I go to a Irish pub that is having Karaoke. Now I am terrified to go and sing in front of people, but I also secretly would like to mark it off my bucketlist. So we walk in hoping that there will be a lot of people there and some how get away with not singing. To our surprise there was maybe 15 people there. So our presence is not going unnoticed. So finally after about 3 hours of searching through the binder and continually finding different songs we "could" do we decide on Express Yourself by Madonna. It went very well, I think. There were three of us and it was maybe hard to tell. But I found it quite exhilarating. I was ready for bed before it, but then was wide awake after.

We became a little cocky and decided to do Baby Got Back next, it crashed and burned. We were good for maybe 2/3 of it, and then it was just going too fast for us. We tried to just laugh a lot and hope that would over come it. Who knows.

The experience that I encountered that I understood now why I do not like to do it is when going to a movie I now know why I like to sit in the back of the theater. Because when you are too close you either get a headache, a crink in your neck, or motion sickness. My friend actually had to go and sit in the back because of it. I was pretty good, but the screen was so big and I am not 12 anymore. Next time I will make a better choice.

So this weekend was very fun I very much enjoy Chicago. It is beautiful, mysterious, lively, and energetic. Whenever I can go in I always enjoy it.

Now back to reality and my next task. Filling job applications. Oh boy what fun. NOT AT ALL!

My own.

I am so ready to have my own classroom. Today my teacher told me to occupy the class for a minute. She said read a story or play Simon Says or (this one was the one she really wanted to me to do I could tell.) have them make words with the alphabet chart. So I had them create words with the chart, then she says oh I always tell them a word and then they spell it. So I just kept doing my thing. Then she says who can spell bone. So obviously I was not doing it right, it just really annoyed me and I was thinking "Why didn't you just do it, Don't sit here and give me freedom , when you want it done a certain way."

I am so ready to have my own classroom and not have to think about every decision that I make and if it is right or not. If they would like me to do it that way. I will do what I want to do.

PS I got my provisional teaching certificate for Illinois, so now I can actually apply for jobs and have a chance of getting it.

Recipe

Made this salad tonight and it was fantastic.

(Photo cred. http://www.espressoandcream.com/2010/11/autumn-chopped-salad.html)

It was amazing. Tasted so good. The one thing that I did differently than the recipe was had the dressing on the side. So that I could eat it later and not have it get soggy, but also so I could regulate the dressing on my salad.

You must try it. It is so good.

Valentine's Day

So I finally did something that found on pinterest. (which I will say I just spelled pintrust, I know I have been working with kinde

rgartners too much.) I find so many cool

things on there and have yet to do many of them. I did make a scarf I found on pinterest for Christmas, but that is about it. So I found a few V-day cookies I wanted to make. So I did. And they turned out to be pretty good.

I made heart cut outs with jam in between. This was a Martha Stewart recipe, which I thought might be ambitious, because hello it's Martha Stewart. This recipe is at Martha Stewart.com Valentine cookies.

The other cookies are Red Velvet Cookies. They were super easy. I love Red Velvet. Here is the link for these ones. http://www.twopeasandtheirpod.com/red-velvet-crinkle-cookies/

One difference with the ones I did and her recipe is I took some dough would squish it down then cut out the heart and then bake. I found I could make more cookies this way because I would use the leftovers from the cutout with the next cookie. What she does in her recipe is bake the cookie then while it is still warm cuts the heart into it. It does make a unique looking cookie, but I did not want to eat all of the scraps.

These cookies I shared with the teachers at my school.

For the valentines that I brought to my classroom I took the idea from my aunt who got the idea from pinterest. Cutting out a moustache and lips from foam. Then putting a hole in it and attaching it to a sucker. I added the heart because I did not want to buy the adhesive paper to print the labels on. Here is the link http://blonde-designs.squarespace.com/blonde-designs-blog/2010/2/3/lip-and-moustache-lollipops.html

I am spending my v-day night with a friend, a girl that is. Dinner and some fun and then going to my second family's house for the weekly Glee, New Girl, and Parenthood viewing. Such a great day.

healthy, fit.

Okay why was I not told when I was younger that I should maybe eat more vegetables or maybe run around the block. I am not saying that I needed to do this when I was say 7 or even maybe 10 but in high school or maybe in college, okay so maybe I should have just continued running around with my friends outside instead of sitting in the house watching a movie or going out to eat and eating fried food. Because if I did that then maybe I would be fit now, and just have to maintain it and it would be so easy because I had been doing it for years. lol.

Well this is not the reality and so I am now starting at square one. I have been active at different parts of my life in the last few years, but not on a regular basis. So now I am working on making it permanent. I have working out for a few weeks now, at least 6 days a week. I heard that it takes 21 days to create a habit and I would say that I just know now that I will wake up at 6 and work out.

I actually find that the working out is not the hard part now. The hard part is the eating healthy. I am doing pretty good at it, but sweets are a real issue for me. It is normally just a bit here and there, but I find that it starts to add up. Working out does not do it alone, you have to eat right.

I also find that because I work out in the morning I am so hungry all day. I mean every few hours I need something in my belly, which means I am eating lots more, trying to make some healthier choices but still eating more.

Almost every morning I have Chobani greek yogurt with either granola or a small bowl of cereal. Then I have small whole wheat saltines for a little snack or a granola bar to tie me over until snack, then I have an apple for snack. A salad or left overs from the night before for lunch. I am normally good until PM snack and then I have an orange or fruit of some kind. For dinner I try to have a vegetarian meal one night a week (tomorrow is a Mexican bowl with black beans for the protein), fish twice a week. Ground turkey lots.

I will keep you updated on my healthy eating woes and mishaps.

One thing I hate is when people ask if I am on a diet or ask why I am dieting and I am not dieting I am being healthy. This is my lifestyle change, not a fad!