How did you get over staying here?

 I got asked this question this week from a friend who recently moved back to town. She had been living in Chicago and before that Colorado. So living in towns that are lively and bustling. Now she finds herself back in the town she grew up in. The town most of us cannot wait to get out of when we graduate college. The town we see as failing. We may even begin to see ourselves the same way if we find ourselves back in it. 

I am not sure if everyone feels this way when they graduate high school, the feeling of getting out and making it on your own. Getting as far from your hometown as possible. I know I did. I literally moved to South America, I mean I could have gotten farther away but that is still pretty far. Then I moved to West Coast Canada to get my undergrad. Still pretty far from my Midwest hometown. A good 30 hours to be exact. 

I wouldn't have had it any other way, well I would have loved to not rack up all the student loan debt but that is another thing entirely. 

When my friend asked me this question this week. "How did you get over staying here?" I knew she was asking honestly. She knew this was not not where I envisioned my life being. She knew a lot of my story. And I knew she didn't want a flippant answer. Her life has recently turned upside down and she, as I did, sees her life pointing to staying in her hometown for the foreseeable future. 

At first I did give a little humor. I told her well I wasn't planning on this being a long term gig, but here we are 9 years later. I then told her that the years just kept going by. After the mild humor I decided to be real honest. For the first few years that I lived back home I didn't do much besides work. I hung with friends of course, but because I saw it as temporary I did not really invest. I did not get involved. I was waiting for the next big thing to come my way, the next big move. I thought it would be more difficult for me to leave if I became invested and involved. Well 3 or 4 years later I was challenged to set down roots. This person told me that no matter how long you decide to stay somewhere you should invest, you should get involved. It makes it all that much more worth it. It also made it easier for me to get over staying. 

So as I sit here and contemplate my last 9 years living back at home, the place I never thought I would return to for an extended period of time, I am grateful to have invested and gotten involved in the city and lives around me. 

My advice to my friend, invest and get involved. Give yourself some grace, because you are doing the best you can for right now. And sometimes our soul needs HOME. It needs familiarity, when the rest of our world is unfamiliar. We may need to surround ourselves with things that are known while we charter this very unknown time, on top of everything else 2020 has thrown our way. 

Returning home is not failing. Returning home is not a cop out. Sometimes it is the smartest choice we can make for ourselves while our world is getting pieced back together. 

For those after college or whenever you may find yourself unsure of what is next and feeling as though returning home is where you are headed. Remember it doesn't have to be forever and it is never as bad as you are thinking it is. You are probably the only one thinking those negative perceptions others may have of you. 

Home may be just what you need. 

What is productivity in a quarantine?

This is a question I have pondering a lot during this quarantine. Being productive. How do I be productive?

So I started making to do lists and checking things off. This made me feel productive. But maybe doing things isn’t the point of being productive. Maybe having a to do list and checking things off is simply a mask for making me feel good. Which isn’t the point. I shouldn't need to do things or accomplish things or get things done from a list in order to feel good about myself or the way I spent my day.

Then I began to think what is productivity, is it the same thing everyday?

I was chatting with a friend and she sent me this great graphic that helped me out.

But even more than that maybe each day requires something different and by seeing it, leaning into it, and doing it that day is productive. And maybe it doesn’t matter to you at all for a day to be deemed productive, but I have a bit of a wing three in me, enneagram, (which is the achiever and I am processing how it can be a good thing and not allowing it to take over and then become a stumbling block.) If you do not struggle with this please share with the group what your average day looks like. I would love to know.

Here are my five tips to help you remain productive, but not allowing it to become your identity

1. Access what is needed for that day

This may be where you think what you need that day. Or you process your emotions and what your are feeling. Maybe you are a tad drained and you need to sleep a bit more, or maybe you need a really long walk to gain perspective. May be you sense that you are off balance emotionally, so you need to spend more time that day, praying, reading, meditating, or out in nature. Or maybe that day requires a lot of work. Each day may require something different from you, see if you can figure out what that is and then give into it. Now at the end of the day process how you feel and what was good and maybe what could have been better for the next time you have a day similar to that.

2. Create a schedule

This can be for anything, work, cleaning, teaching the kids, whatever it may be. Pre quarantine I would do all my cleaning on Saturdays and I didn’t really enjoy it. My Saturdays were exhausting, but I was always so tired from all the weekly activities that I could not fathom doing housework when I got home in the evenings. During quarantine a friend posted this cleaning schedule, I copied it down and have stuck to it this week. When I can clean I get very distracted, anyone else? I will be doing dishes and then see something that needs to go to the bathroom, so I take it to the bathroom, then I see something in the bathroom out of place, and 20 minutes later I am returning to the dishes. And this goes on for a long time. With this schedule I found myself saying, nope that is done Thursday’s, or I will not do that today that is done on Friday. I found that to be helpful because then I wasn’t getting distracted and could get the task done quicker. This also meant I wasn’t cleaning on Saturday. So Saturday was a treat this week. Cleaning schedule you can buy on Etsy. I simply made one that was similar.

This helped by dealing with productivity as well. My list was shorter each day and more enjoyable things could end up on the list, rather than it being all these things I HAD to do it was now more of a balance of HAVE to and WANT to.

3. Take a break

Maybe this is in the morning before the kids wake up, I know that means you have to wake up earlier. Now I do not have kids, so I do not know sleep deprivation as others may, but I do hear it is nice to wake up and have some you time before they get up. Sometimes I imagine that is impossible, those 430 am risers. This time for me is taken when I wake, with a cup of coffee, my Bible, journal or other bible based book that I am reading at the moment. I take time to breath, pray, be silent, center myself before the day gets away from me. This helps me have more grace others, patience, and more balanced emotions. (My emotions can dictate a lot of my day). This could be during nap time, screen time, or while they eat breakfast, whenever works in your schedule.

4. Get it done first

I get all my essential stuff done right away. During this time I am teaching kids from about 8:30-12 each day through Skype. Then I have lunch and get the important stuff done right away. I know that if I sit, I may not get up. So I use the energy I have and get it done quickly, but as I mentioned because of having the schedule my essential things are not very many each day, thus I am not spending a ton of time getting stuff done. I will try and get at least 1 big thing done each week, this last week it was removing the old caulk and putting new caulk in my tub. I also deeply scrubbed our kitchen floor, it had been awhile 😬 and it was a two day job. Once I am done with essential things, which should only be a couple hours unless you are doing a bigger task that day, you have the rest of the day to do what the day needs. It really is whatever you or others may need that day (going back to number 1 and processing what that may be).

5. GRACE

I have heard a lot of people saying this, give grace, but it doesn’t hurt to hear it one more time.

Give it out like the toilet paper you have been hoarding. Just kidding, but really. Give grace to yourself, Give it to others. Tomorrow is a new day, treat it as such. Something I saw posted from the Mindgeek on Instagram was

We strive and hustle all for what. To prove something to others or ourselves. That is part of my struggle with being productive, proving something to others or to myself. Well stop it. You don’t have to.

Hopefully these tips will help you as they have helped me, if you have any others please leave them in a comment so others can see.

Happy quarantining!!!

Easy make up steps for beginners

My make up routine, because you asked, just kidding you didn’t, well not really. But I have had people over the years say things like, I love your make up, it looks natural, or I’d love to have you teach me _____. Or I have no idea what I’m doing and I just want to add something easy.

Well I have followed and watched many people share their make up routines, favs or tried and trues and one thing that is hard for me is either I am not a professional or their price point is very different than mine. Or that I don’t want 80 steps, that may be an exaggeration. Just slightly.

Concealer is a must if you are over like 25. If you were nothing else, concealer is it. Here is a great one. Here is one at a different price point. It brightens your eyes and can instantly make you look alive and awake. A couple dots around the bottom of your eye area, very close to check bone area, then using a brush or your ring finger dab it in. Do not rub. You also must set your concealer. A brightening power or translucent setting power works great. Using a flat brush or a clean brushy eye shadow brush press the powder into your dry concealer.

Mascara is a close second because it opens those eyes up and does the same, awake and alive. Those are kind of the keys. Alive and awake. Use a curler if you’d like, if not start at the base of your lashes, which your eyes open, using a back and forth motion until you reach the end or your lashes, it helps to push your flashes in to the wand by closing them while you do it. Here are a few I like. One. Two.

Next essentials would be blush and possibly a bronzer or contour to add a bit of dimension to your face. Because your face isn’t just one shade, it has shadows and points where the light hits. Those should be accentuated to give your face life and not just one monotone shade. This would be a contour. Placing it right below your cheek bones, under your jawline and down your neck, be careful with this one, and around the frame of your forehead. The one I use. Blending is key with contour and highlight (placed on the bridge of your nose, the philtrum, right above your upper lip, and right above the corner of your eye brows.) Bronzer creates a natural, if your using the right shade, “bronzed” look, applying this on check bones and around the frame of your face can help create this look. Blush can be hit or miss, try a few out, and see what works. The one I gave from Tarte is a tad too shimmery for me. Place this on the apples of your cheeks, be careful to not go to close to your nose.

Foundation isn’t essential, but it does cover small imperfections and evens out your skin tone before adding the other products. I use a more medium coverage for everyday, and full coverage for special occasions. The one I use for everyday I wish had more glow to it, it is a tad matte, which our faces are not, we have a bit of shine, so it doesn’t look the most natural. But adding a glow setting powder after or a dewy primer before can help it look a bit natural.

I am not about looking as though I’m wearing make up, but really want it to be natural and just accentuating what I already have.

Eye brows are next. Be careful, you really should just be filling in where they already are, but not harsh lines, and not completely colored in. Remember look natural. My product linked here.  I have very dark eyebrow hair.

Any questions or comments, leave them in the comments!

Here is a great video of dos and don’ts

Do not harden your hearts

The theme of Hebrews is Christ is greater than any angel, priest, or old covenant institution; thus each reader, rather than leaving such a great salvation, is summoned to hold on by faith to the true rest found in Christ and to encourage others in the church to persevere.

Starting in chapter three of Hebrews, the author who we do not know, writes about how Jesus is greater than Moses. He says that Moses is the servant in God’s house, and Jesus is the son of the house in essence. And we are his house, if we choose to be. He built us, resides in us.

Then he goes on to say in verses 7-15

A Rest for the People of God

⁷ Therefore, as the Holy Spirit says,

“Today, if you hear his voice,
⁸ do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion,
    on the day of testing in the wilderness,
⁹ where your fathers put me to the test
    and saw my works for forty years.
¹⁰ Therefore I was provoked with that generation,
and said, ‘They always go astray in their heart;
    they have not known my ways.’
¹¹ As I swore in my wrath,
    ‘They shall not enter my rest.’”

¹² Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. ¹³ But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. ¹⁴ For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end. ¹⁵ As it is said,

“Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts as in the rebellion.”

You have a choice to make. To Be Open.

Open your eyes and see him. I mean hello have you looked around you. His beauty is all around you. This screams of an intelligent creator, it could not have just happened.

You have been asked to open your ears. He is calling out to you. He is whispering things to you, that He loves you, cares for you, and knows you and STILL loves you.

And now you have a lot of knowledge, and you have a choice, you can either open your heart to Him, or continue to harden it.

Just as the author of Psalm said, who originally penned these words from Hebrews, will you be like your fathers, who SAW everything that God did for forty years, parting the Red Sea, bringing manna from the sky (food falling down or appearing, whichever it is amazing), the plagues in Egypt. The water out of the rock. So many things they watched and their hearts were hardened toward God.

The opposite of hard is… Soft. That is right. So things can get inside of them. Take this apple for instance, I can jab a fork into it, take this rock I cannot.

God wants to be in our lives, But the condition of our hears is up to us, will we allow him in, will we open the door?

We have a choice, it is either to open up to him, or harden our hearts.

I know what you are thinking though, you are thinking, “Erica, it is hard to open my heart, it is not that easy.”

And I would say I totally get it, it isn’t always easy.

Side note, I was writing this lesson and thinking about opening doors to Jesus and how it seems so easy. But then I thought of all those doors that are not easy to open.

I hate when doors have a pull handle, but really you have to push it, so you look like an idiot trying to pull open a push door, or when they keep one side locked, but not the other side, why, for your own amusement, and to humiliate me, but for real I hate that.  Or those times you think its going to be easy to open the door and it isn’t so your arm just kind of buckles under you and you end up running right into the door. It is not always easy to JUST open the door.

I believe one thing the Israelites lacked when they were marching through the desert was a connection to their heart, yes they SAW all of these things that God did, these amazing things, but they never let them penetrate into their heart.

So when life would come they would be thrown all around, not holding fast or standing firm on their hope in Christ as it says in verse 6. “If indeed we hold fast our confidence and our boasting in our hope.” I am reading through Exodus right now and it is crazy to me how quickly they doubt God’s presence after he just showed up in an amazing way. They had people around them with unbelieving hearts leading them astray. They allowed sin to creep in and cause them to doubt God, and in turn it hardened their hearts even more.

So what are you going to do? Are you going to continue to be like one of the Israelites of old and harden your heart toward God? Forgetting everything you have seen and heard him do and say? Or are you going to open your heart toward him, allowing him to come in and change your life.

This is not easy, again, it is difficult. A lot of that is because our hearts are already locked up , so opening them is really difficult.

Opening up the heart, being vulnerable is scary, and intimidating. We do not naturally want to let people in. The real us is usually locked up. We have built these locks all around our hearts to protect them. The first lock went on when one of our parents left, or was far less than what a parent is meant to be. The next lock went on when someone we trusted hurt us, they took advantage of us. Another lock went on when that boy or girl broke our heart and it turns out they didn’t care about us at all. The next lock went on when we really wanted that position, or that team or ____________ that we were hoping for and it didn’t work out, so now we are telling ourselves to not even hope for anything at all. Because it is better than getting hurt. Another one goes on when people say we are ugly, worthless, and will never amount to anything. Another when your friends, who you thought were really good friends, start some bogus rumors, or even worse, they share your secrets with everyone. And we think I knew I shouldn’t have trusted them.

And now our heart looks a lot like this. Chained up and locked up.

So now our heart is impossible to open.

I am right there with ya,  exhausted with hustling with the world. With trying to make it in this world, by this world’s standards. Ya see I am not skinny minnie, I never have been I was a 9 lb baby, okay.  I hated that I just couldn’t be like the girls that wear smalls, and do not even get me started on those that wear extra small. It just wasn’t fair. I was sick of my friends using me, and talking bad about me behind my back, and literally cutting me out of their lives for months at a time. I hated myself, and blamed myself for where I was and who I was. So one day it came to a point where I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was sick of not having value, feeling worthless, running after attention from anyone who would give it to me. My chains and locks that I had been building for years were rattling, my heart couldn’t take it anymore. It wanted freedom. My heart wanted to be free.

I finally came to a place where I had to give my lock to Jesus, I had to let him in. I had to surrender, chains and all at his feet, and hope he would take me the mess I was and all. I picture crawling to him with these chains in my hands, begging him to take it all. And he looks at me with the most compassionate face, reaches out his hand, says, “Daughter, I have always been here.” And he did. I have never looked back at that person I was before I finally feel to my knees before him. NEVER

I finally chose to stop hardening my heart and to open it. Chains, locks, and all laying it at his feet.

So what is it for you? You have a choice just as I did, harden your heart or open it. You have locks and chains around your heart too. They are keeping you from opening your heart. What are they?

Opening up your heart to God is not a one time thing. It is a daily thing. It is continually allowing him in everyday. Because as we have seen with the Israelites life can creep in, sin can creep in and harden our hearts, but if we come back to him each time, our heart will remain soft.

¹² Take care, brothers, lest there be in any of you an evil, unbelieving heart, leading you to fall away from the living God. ¹³ But exhort one another every day, as long as it is called “today,” that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. ¹⁴ For we have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original confidence firm to the end. 

Be around people that also want to put Jesus first. The people you are around matters.

I’m a four

Photo cred: Mady Haight 

Continuing the discussion about becoming more self-aware. click here for the first one.

I have been hearing a lot about the Enneagram, a personality test basically. Well actually I have been hearing about it a lot from 1 person in particular, Annie F Downs. Then a few of my friends have gotten into it as well.

There are 9 types.

I have taken the test. But also heard that you should read about them too in order to truly get an idea about your type. Well I am not an expert, but I am reading a lot about it. I listened to Annie interview people associated with all the numbers and felt that I was as a 4. So I read about a 4 in The Road Back to You, and feel as though someone is in my brain. This is what people have said is an indication of finding your number. You feel too seen and it feels weird. These things that we actually try to keep hidden are now out in the open. And that is how it feels while reading the 4. When I listened to all the interviews I definitely could relate to bits from everyone; which they say is true. But there is one number that you feel stronger towards. Reading the 4 was hard,  because it resonated so much it felt intrusive. Almost as if someone was invading my privacy.

Some things that stuck out to me about the 4 were not enjoying unsparingly optimistic people. Feeling strongly almost all the time. Being dictated by my feelings. Melancholy is a dear friend of my mine and it is not a scary place but comfortable. It is easier for me to feel sad than happy.

Sad songs have always been my favorite. I feel as though they emote more than a happy song. Even more I have come to realize that I don’t think happiness is a true emotion. I know it is, but I feel like it will leave, so I don’t allow myself to feel it, or I feel like it’s always tainted. This is something I am working on because it’s not the most healthy. I should be able to indulge in happiness fully submersed in it without the fear of it leaving. I also find that I never want to hear that everything is awesome from someone, I want the Real which I think means the hard, difficult stuff. And for some reason I think authentic means deep and sad, not happy. It seems slightly twisted, but very much the truth. (Don’t get me wrong I am happy from time to time)

I used to always play the victim, which  is a 4 thing when they are unhealthy, I still have to fight that urge. I actually have to ask myself, “Do you think they were trying to hurt you?” Which most often I can answer no.  I used to use this, playing the victim, to manipulate others into giving me attention. I would put myself out during group situations in the hopes of people bringing me in. Which more often than not backfired and I felt horrible about myself afterwards. Very self deprecating. Putting myself down all the time.

I have grown a ton and become healthier. But I do think the Enneagram has helped me to see that a lot of my thoughts and feelings are not unique to me, but others have them too. Which is nice to know I’m not, ya know, just difficult.

The four is known as the Romantic, which is kind of funny because I do not think that I am romantic at all. But then I think about it and I very much desire romantic things. I imagine them happening to me, they do not very often and usually that is because I downplay them and cringe at cheesy things, so of course someone is not going to think that I like sappy, thought out, acts. But I secretly do. I am just afraid to voice it, because I have been let down a lot in my life, so I pretend I do not like them so I do not get letdown, but I do like them. This is also why I do not get super excited about things in my life. I mean do don’t get me wrong, I do get excited, but if I can get hurt it is much harder for me to get my hopes up. The four is also known as the individualist. They value being unique and different. When your focus is to be unique and different all the time you can become pretty self-absorbed. I know we all are at times, but I feel I struggle a lot with selfishness.

I also think that I fantasized or idealized things in my life. So nothing really in life lives up to that and I think it must be wrong, whatever the it is. Job, guy, opportunity. 4's always think something is missing in their life. I think this is my fantasizing. Because it doesn't live up to the fantasy, then it is missing something and must not be right so I need to get out of it. I am really working on not allowing this to ruin good things in my life.

Fours are a bit more creative, and have maybe felt as though they never really fit in or belonged. I have seriously felt this way my entire life, as though I was born at the wrong time or do not quite fit with people. So it was nice, again, to know I am not the only one and not crazy. Which kind of goes against wanting to be original, but ya know I am a conundrum.

If you’d like to learn more, read up on it, or take a quiz to find your type please check out these resources. The enneagram is simply another tool in better understanding who you are, your strengths and vices and how to work through them. I am using this through a Gospel lens, And believe God is using this to help change me for the better!!!

Resources- The Road Back to You- Book

Your Ennegram Coach website

Enneagram Institute.https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/