My purpose is still quite hazy. I have taken a job next year as a teacher in a very small private school which I believe will heal me where teaching is concerned.
I really wanted to get involved in the Haiti project that we went down there with but it is seeming to be impossible. I have emailed numerous times, I have given my phone number, I have given the times that I can be reached. There have been correspondences back through email but that has been few and far between. I know that people are busy, but because of this lack of interest on their part, my lack of interest is waning. I fear that I am in some ways losing my drive and passion that I had when I first returned. I was setting up meetings, contemplating what to do next and I still feel as though I am where I started. With no clear plan and no clear direction.
Do many people feel this way or just those that return to their hometown to live at home after university and nothing seems to be different except you. But then in some ways you feel as though you digress a bit because it is exhausting being the only difference in the unchanging landscape around you,.
I thought I came back a few months ago with a little less fogginess where my future is concerned but I, in this moment, feel as I did in Haiti, lost and confused.
I am trying to think of what God would have me do now and not simply months from now, but I do not sense a lot of nudging. Maybe that means stay put and be patient but I feel as though that is exactly what I have been doing for the past three years. but if I am truly being honest maybe I have just started pursuing this "What's next?" attitude for the last few months.
I wrote in my journal a few weeks ago "I just want to be apart of something." It doesn't necessary have to be something big but something that is making a difference. I followed that up with "God please help me to find a place to be this year."
That is my hope and prayer for this school year. To be apart of something and to find a place to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment