good days and bad days.

So Friday was not a good day.

I have realized that it was not so much because my children couldn't keep their mouths shut, because that happens everyday. It was the fact that they were getting nothing accomplished. I mean seriously some of them had 45 minutes to get something, anything done, and after numerous redirections they were incapable of getting anything done.

It was very disheartening. I was not sure if I was so mad, or so sad. I was very annoyed, but also equally able to cry at any moment. It was so disappointing. I felt as though I was nagging all day, non stop, do this and don't do that. I mean it was immensely exhausting.

As I told people this on Friday many of them asked me if I was looking for another job, another school, another teaching position. Because it is about once a week that I leave completely exhausted.

But my response to them was that I would have this anywhere. Those days that are great and remind me of why I like to teach and those others days that make me question if this is what I really want to do. Those days that I end feeling that I am completely capable and competent as a teacher and then there are those days that I feel insecure and wonder what in the world am I doing.  I felt as if I would have those types of days anywhere I taught, or any job that I might have. Those days that remind you that you are doing what you were intended to do and those that days that make you think you made a mistake. I think that is when you know that you are doing what you are suppose to do. If the job was easy all of the time you would not have anything difficult to work through, nothing that required you to dig deep and find strength you did not know you had.

My job maybe be difficult at times, but it would. be anywhere. I know that it is not easy and I know that I am doing some good. It may be hard to see but I know that I am. I want to stay because it is not easy. I want to stay because I once heard that anything easy isn't worth having. I feel as though it is conformation that I should be here because I cannot just rely on myself to get through it. I need to rely on God to help me to stay patient and be kind. That is why I choose to stay.